UGLY

Just had an aha moment. Listening into a radio type forum, which I can't even remember the name of, which was about women/girls and their self esteem and weight and self perceptions. I have always wondered how it was that I became fat, the fat that I currently am. And why can I not fix it? I was always skinny growing up. Then at around 20 I decided to prattle on about being fat, when I wasn't, not even close to being fat. Then at 25 other people seemed to be indicating that I was overweight - which I wasn't. I was around 63kg for goodness sakes! Maybe I was just reading things into comments that I shouldn't have done. A couple of times I was down to 50kg, and then did all the boys like that? Why yes they did. Why for heaven's sakes? Why am I so worried that boys like me? It is because I was/am so ugly that I really didn't think that I would ever get a man to marry me. I still get pained about the time a complete stranger, driving past in a car, yelled out 'great legs, shame about the face', which understandably crushed and humiliated me and provided me with all the proof that I needed to indeed show that yes, I am ugly. And you can't complain about being ugly, because if it is the truth, then nothing can be done about it. Being fat is something I can fix, but if I fix that, I am still ugly!

Until I make peace with myself and my looks, I will never be a happy person.

Dear Lord, I apologise to you for all the pain I have caused you for not loving myself in the image that you have provided me. I know that you would never create something of ugly, and understand that I am something of beauty. Amen.