Monday, September 27, 2010
So I made a start on making your home a haven today. I found this wooden sign in a little shop in our little village. Its quite a neat wee shop, with a mix of secondhand and new clothes, and some gifts as well.
I plan to have it on my bedside table, so I see it every morning when I get up, and every night when I go to sleep. It is one of those things that I need to remember to focus on. Really, if you weighed my life all up it is probably a lot better than GOOD, it is in reality, pretty FANTASTIC!
And I also got this candle. It's not very big, but it was all they had and, realistically, size does not matter. I plan to have it on the, hmmmm, don't know what to call it. It's not really a breakfast bar, but it is far too big to be a servery hatch window thing. Its a large wall opening that goes from the kitchen to the lounge. Anyway, the benefit of having it here is that I can see it from both rooms, and I plan to say a wee prayer each time I see it, regardless of whether it is lit or not. Another benefit of placing it there is that I will have to tidy all of the rubbish off of the bench space, so my candle has pride of place.
Bring on the Fall (Spring) Challenge!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
- My appearance, fitness and weight
- My laziness at home
- My focusing on the ‘bad’ in my life and my failure to count my blessings
- The fact I am to chicken to go to church, and to tell my family that God has finally found me, or I have found God, or we have found each other ... lol
- I don’t have fun, laugh, or enjoy my life which makes me feel I am ruining TJLS life
- I read about other peoples lives (via blogs and facebook) rather than living my own life
- I don’t control my spending
- I don’t control my eating
- I don’t ‘like’ what a lot of people at work talk about (ie being nasty about other people), and I don’t like how I behave when I am around them
- I watch way too much TV
- I don’t spend enough time with Stella or TJL
- The garden is a weed fest
- The house is a mess fest
- I don’t want to go out in Taranaki with anyone other than TJL, I have not made an effort to get to know his friends.
- When on days off walk Stella at least twice a day, and on days on walk Stella once a day
- Each day do ONE house task. This week I will
Friday, September 24, 2010
1. It means that my trip to Wellington, with some girls from work next week, will be trouble and worry free
2. It means that I am still young enough (I trust) to eventually conceive
And thus we resume the 'effort', and then the wait and hope, for yet another month. At least come November 5th (Guy Fawkes no less) I do have an appointment with a gynecologist, so we might begin to make some inroads to our problem, whatever that may be.
When we first began this journey I read that the average time it takes to conceive was 1 year (which I thought was a ridiculously long time), and longer for people over 30 (yep, thats definitely me - lets try for 39 in less than 2 weeks), and now its been close, very close, to two years, and still no joy. Is it weird that I can no longer even picture myself pregnant? That kind of scares me, as though its a sign that it will never happen. I think I need to go somewhere quiet (like the bathtub) and just get away from the world for a while, and imagine. Imagine being pregnant, imagine a life with children, just to relax and just be still.
And my nose is blocked.
I'm off to have a bath!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
And so I thought I would write down my reasons for WHY I really want children, beyond the maternal desire, of which I can do NOTHING about, in the hopes I can start to LIVE my life TODAY, rather than getting through each day, waiting for the future when I am a Mum and my life can begin (how crazy am I?). I guess I am looking for a way I can feel COMPLETE without having children.
WHY DO I WANT CHILDREN?
To give the holidays meaning, and so I can have big family holiday gatherings when I am older.
To give life ‘meaning’.
To give a reason for play, to watch the Wiggles, and Thomas, and hang at the park.
To go places.
To have family holidays.
To have subjects to photograph and scrapbook.
To fill my heart.
To give me an excuse to be mushy.
So I have kids who are mine, ones I don’t have to give back, and can raise MY way.
To buy cute clothes.
To buy fun toys.
To throw birthday parties.
To watch them play sport, or dance, or sing, or act, or whatever they choose to do.
To teach and encourage and help grow.
To take care of.
To guide along their journey.
To feel like I belong, am the ‘same’ as everyone else, not left out of the ‘my child did this’ conversations
BENEFITS TO BEING CHILD FREE
We can pack up and go anywhere, anytime we want
We do not have to find babysitters when we decide we want to go out
We have double income, and less expenses
We don’t have to deal with tantrums, and illnesses.
We don’t have to worry about outside influences, and what to protect, or not protect, our children from
No one is judging our parenting skills
WHAT I CAN START DOING TO LIVE EVERY DAY
Play with, and train Stella, to do agility on my days off
Tramp and explore the Taranaki region, weekly
Go for drives, to explore and photograph the region, weekly
Go out for dinner once a month
Go out for lunch once a fortnight
Take Stella to beach once a fortnight
Decorate and style the house
Decorate and style myself
Design and plant my garden
Scrapbook photos of TJL and me (just because we do not have children doesn’t mean that we are not doing stuff worthy of documenting)
Organise a decent calendar so we remember important dates
Try and be brave and invite other people to socialise with