Focusing on the positive

Work is such a negative environment. I really do not know how to fix it. I was really negative, and I fixed myself, although I do get drawn back into those negative conversations - such and such did this, did that, gets this, I don't get that, wah, wah, wah. I don't even notice that I am being drawn into such conversations. I have told a friend at work to let me know when I am, so I can stop myself. I am trying really hard. And I have a much better attitude than last season. But some people are not happy unless they are moaning about 'poor hard done by me', and I get to listen to it. I do try to say 'its not our problem, let management sort it out', but thats to no avail. The same mournful 'woe is me' topics over and over and over again. I just tell myself, its not my place to judge, and try to get on with life. I will resume my 3pm walks, instead of 3pm afternoon teas, from next week to get myself away from it. I think it is just best for me to nod, smile, and ask God for patience.

On an up side, the 6 of us who did stay until 6pm tonight scored free pizza (left over from a management meeting - more co-worker gripes)! Heck, I love pizza. It was goooooood. And since in a weeks time I will begin 'Body for Life' it might be the last pizza slices for a while!

I have been so good this week! I have begun giving the bathroom a quick swipe with a cloth after my shower the last three days, so it has stayed clean. I have been making sure that the kitchen is clean and tidy every night before bed. My finances are all sorted and up-to-date. And I have NOT watched TV for the last three nights. T doesn't get the whole 'not watch TV' thing, but since I am a major TV addict, it is something I really need to cut. Essentially I will have it on all day, every day during my 4 days off. I have started slowly by turning it off after work (so it is only for a couple of hours, before I go to bed), but a girl has to start somewhere. Some of this may sound bizarre to organised people, but I am not the tidiest so it is a big change for me.

New habits to start next week are - pay more attention to T. Even though I have switched the TV off, I am still sidetracked by the computer (just catching up on emails and blogs - no games or surfing) so T is not getting the best undivided attention that I could possibly produce. And my other new habit will be 'healthy eating' in preparation for 'Body for Life'. Fingers crossed that I can complete this one as I had a work photo today, and talk about hideous! I am so 'unphotogenic' at the best of times, and I am currently at my worst! Bah!

Dear Lord. Please give me the patience and strength to opt out of negative work conversations. Please help me focus on the benefits of my job, the strengths of my co-workers, and the opportunities that are provided to me each and every day. Please bless my family, friends, and animals. Please help lead us all to salvation and peace. Amen.

Promotion and payrise

I got a promotion and payrise at work today, so I am really really over-the-moon! Well obviously - dah! Who wouldn't be. I got called into the lab co-ordinators office and handed a letter, saying that I was going up from a level 4 technician to a level 5 technician, which is a pay increase of around $3500.00 a year, so that is awesome. I am so glad that I have been putting in the effort lately, putting my hand up to do things, and attend meetings that not many others are interested in. And with all of my prayers at recent, well, what can I say, but Thank You Lord! I really appreciate all of the opportunity you have been sending my way, and thank you so much for the reward and recognition.

I also decided last night, when hopping into bed, that today would be a TV free day. And I am pleased to say that this is what I have achieved (given that it is currently 7.58pm and I will be heading off to be around 8.30pm!). Instead I sat at the table, with my beloved, and ate dinner, and actually had a CONVERSATION where I PAYED ATTENTION to what he had to say. I then tidied up all of my finances (I am currently $255 better off this fortnight than last fortnight, and considering I had a couple of big payments then this is AWESOME as well). Long may it continue! And now I am on the computer, checking my emails, reading blogs, and, well, writing this one. The radio station I had on was not pleasant, so I wondered what I could do ... well bright spark, how about an online radio station, and so I am listening to online Christian rock.

I read quite a bit of Champions Body for Life today. And I am going to do the programme. I am not sure if this current book has the complete programme in it, so I may have to search out a secondhand book to purchase. I plan to get started in a couple of weeks, giving myself time to plan daily menus and exercise for the first month. It does look really good, so Lord, please give me the motivation to complete the plan, correctly and well.

Well I have washing to fold (hand dishes have been done, benches are wiped, yoghurt is 'cooking' and dishwasher is on), before heading to bed to read another chapter of The Reason for God, and maybe a chapter of 9 Critical Mistakes Most Couples Make.

Dear Lord. Thank you so very much for blessing me with a promotion and payrise today. Thank you for showing me the way with my health and fitness, by putting Champions Body for Life in my path. Please give me the strength to continue along this path of enlightenment and fulfilment. Please bless my family, friends and animals in their lives. Amen

Shopping

I headed into Hawera today to buy my nephew presents for his 1st birthday. I asked my sister what he might like, and being the ever helpful person said, aww nothing (I know that between his two older sisters, and himself, they have more toys than a toy library). So I asked if she needed any clothes for him, and she said 'Yes please. He doesn't have many new clothes.' So I got him two shirts and a pair of track-pants. And being the greatest aunt ever, I also got him a little pull-a-long dog that barks and wimpers etc. I also got the 2 girls a book each. This is because at G's birthday everyone gets a Christmas ornament, so its not fair if I don't get small gifts for everyone at everyones birthday. Yes I have dug myself into a hole on this one.

I also bought two pairs of jeans for work, total cost $50.00. This was $10 over my budget, but since I had thought I would only manage to get one pair I am not reprimanding myself over this one.

Chocolate cake

Finally got around to making T (well okay T and me) a chocolate cake today. I had a pottle of cream in the fridge, so before it went to waste I thought that I had better get something whipped up. I forgot that our oven cooks a little hot, so the top burned a bit (well quite a lot). But I just cut the top off, whacked the cream in the middle, covered it in icing, and Waalaaa, one messy, and hopefully tasty cake.

My reading selection

I finally joined the library today. I have decided that while I love to buy my own books, in reality I very rarely re-read them, so that is a giant waste of money (oh I am being SO good with my spending these days). I got two 'religious books' - The Reason for God, and Finding Faith, which will hopefully begin to clarify the 'religion thing' for me. I also got 9 Critical Mistakes Most Couples Make, which also has a religious bent. I am slowly learning that consciously preventing discord in my relationship is better than trying to fix it when its discord has/is happened/ing. I also got 'A Man is Not a Financial Plan' to help assist me in my finances, and 'Champions - Body for Life' to help me work on my body and mind regarding my physical image.

So I am pretty happy all round. I can not remember if I wrote it yesterday or not, but I am having slight issues with being in a relationship out of wed-lock, now I am exploring Christianity. Even though we are talking about engagement (so obviously marriage) I do feel that I am not living a correct life anymore. I do trust that God accepts the 'pickle' that I have got myself into, and forgives me for it - but how long can I expect it to go on? I also worry that other people are judging me as 'hypocritical' for believing one thing, and living another - but once again, there is only one 'person' who is fit to judge me, and that is the Lord, so I truly hope he does forgive me.

Dear Lord. Thank you for blessing me today with enough money to buy C birthday presents, me some jeans for work, and just enough to cover 6 months of car registration. Thank you for directing me to certain books to encourage the expansion of my mind and spirit. Please help me with my patience, especially with T. Give me the strength to use my 2 ears to listen, my brain to think and stay calm, and my mouth to speak only when I have something pleasant and true to say. Please continue to bless my family, friends and animals. Amen

Hope that I helped

So C went home today. I really hope that I was able to provide her with some direction on what she should do in regards to her marriage situation. Basically my advice was to get her own personal, secret bank account. While I do not condone women having secrets from their husbands as a general rule, when said husband is addicted to gambling, and possibly alcohol, then I think that a separate, secret bank account is really a necessity. I also suggested that she either get in contact with K (a lawyer who we went to school with and specialised in family law for a while) or go to Citizens Advice Bureau and speak to a lawyer there. At least she will know where she stands, and what she can do should she decide to leave him. Obviously I told her that if she needs to, then she is always welcome to stay with us, with the children, until she can get sorted out. Obviously she has the worries with the 9 horses she owns, and her children, but I am sure that she can get around that. I am also praying for her. I am also praying for her husband N, to wake up and get help. I am contemplating sending her the DVD Fireproof, plus the book, the Love Dare (I think it is called). I can only do this if I believe I can financially afford it, as I am not finished with my copies (and probably never will be, as I do need regular reminders of how I should be behaving).

On a happier note, I am so happy with my spending as of late. Really happy with it, a long long road to go, but its coming up one month of good spending so I am rapt. I have been so good that I have to buy C a present for his first birthday, and I have the cash to do it. I also have enough cash to buy an inexpensive pair of jeans (or 2) for work, as my current ones are on their last legs (excuse the pun). And I should still have some left over to put into my savings account (what I have not spent I put into my savings account, instead of going 'Yeee Haaaaa! Money left over! Lets SPEND IT!'

On that similar vein, having been raised 'Strictly Atheist' and finding myself drawn to God and 'whatever that means', I have been thinking that I need to buy a bible, but this conflicts with my 'stop spending' mentality at present. Then I went 'DOH!' When we were back home last weekend to sort out my rental property, I found a bible in one of the drawers. I didn't grab it at the time as I was in the company of my Atheist parents, and T (who is Catholic, but not practicing), and I did not want to be embarrassed and made to explain myself. Luckily I am heading back there in 5 days time for C's 1st birthday, so I will make sure I pick it up on this trip. To be perfectly honest, this whole religion is SO very confusing. Christian, Catholic, Anglican, Protestant, and who knows what else is out there?! Do I pray to God, the Lord, Jesus? I'm trying Lord for starters. I have tried asking T, as he did go to church as a child, but he is no real help. I think I will start by reading the bible, and see what I think, and go from there. It is a big 'scarey' world for some of us :-)

Dear Lord. Thank you for blessing me today with C's visit, a gorgeous day, a visit from 'Socks' the neighbours cat, and some time to myself. Please help C in her marriage dilemma, please provide her with a safe path to progress along. Please help N amend his behaviour towards C, to recognise that his behaviours are not only hurting him, but also his family, and to give him the will and the strength to change. Please also bless C with the patience and understanding to assist N in anyway possible. Please also continue to take care of, and watch over my family, friends and animals. Amen

Catching up with C

I finally caught up with C today, after about 7 years! It sure has been great to catch up, but I do feel a little flat. Perhaps it has been too long between visits. Perhaps she now has two wonderful sounding children and I have none so I can not connect on that level. Perhaps I am just overthinking things as per usual. Unfortunately she is having a bit of trouble at home with N. I hope that she does manage to work it out. Tomorrow, before she leaves, I will make sure I let her know that if she ever needs to really get away with the children, then she is always welcome to be with me, where ever that may be. I hope that she has thought a bit about what I have said, in regards to getting her own secret bank account set up, and talking to a lawyer regarding her rights etc. I know it will be hard for her to leave. She has 9 horses, 2 children, and aside from the horses, no 'real' qualifications. I must make a concerted effort to go and visit her at least every 6 months, and to phone her every couple of months. I believe that The Lord may have crossed our paths at this time in order for me to help her, but not pity or shame her. Maybe he has crossed out paths for her to help me. Or perhaps it will help us both.

It was a great day. I had a small bet on C's horse ($5 each way). He came 2nd, so I came out even (covered my bet and the entry to the races, didn't cover the $2 programme, so technically I am $2 down).

And now C and T have gone to bed. C is pretty beat, she had a big day today. T, well he looks pretty beat as well. So I am up kind of watching CSI, but mostly doing a bit of online stuff.

Dear Lord. Thank you for bringing C back into my life today. Please provide me with the wisdom and openess to help her in her life. Please also assist me in continuing contact with her as she is truely one of my best friends in life. Thank you for bringing T into my life, a stable and reliable and trustworthy man. Please continue to work on his beliefs and kind heartedness. Please also bless my family, friends and animals, as I know you already do. Amen

Blog 100

Its my 100th blog today. That covers quite a few years, including years I did not blog at all.

Nothing deep and meaningful today, not that I ever am, but even less so than usual.

Got three photo orders out today. I was only paid for two orders. The order that I gave out for free was for the Taranaki Rally. It was the first approach I have had for rally photos so I decided to give them to them in the hopes I will get future orders from the rally community. They had only asked for the one that they saw on youtube, but I sent them all 12 anyway. It doesn't cost me anything to email them, and it is promotional for me. Fortunately the horse photos printed out clearly this time as well, so I finally managed to get that order posted out. I really need to get a new website, so I might get in contact with S's friend, and get him to design me one.

I made chocolate fudge cake stuff today. The stuff that I can not stop eating. I have eaten way too much, but it is just so damn delicious. I also made Lasagne for dinner tomorrow, I sure hope C eats it. If not, I am sure we can find something else. Because I was making Lasagne for tomorrow, I made mince patties for tonights dinner, with rice and green beans. It was quite nice really. Nothing fancy, not overly delicious, just plain nice.

I asked T when he was going to propose today. He didn't commit to anything, he wants a wedding, I would prefer an elopement, but maybe if I can find a nice, small church we could have a small ceremony. I shall do a bit of a search now to see if I can find a church that I like.

Dear Lord. Thank you for blessing me today with intimate relations with T. Please forgive me for being unmarried at this point in time, I know you understand my reasonings, no matter how wrong it may be, and I know that you forgive me and I ask for you to please continue to do so until we are wed. Please continue to watch over me, T, my family, friends and animals. Thank you for the direction of my life so far, and I trust in your future journey for me. Amen

Day four!

So today is day four. When you work rostered shifts of 4 12 hour days on, 4 days off, one comes to love day four. I now get to enjoy my four days off.

So far my plans for my days off include feeding the calves (only 4 so far, but there will be plenty more to come), hopefully heading up to see W at some point to find out how he is doing since he broke his neck. Must make sure we take him some DVD's and books. Saturday I have plans to go to the races in New Plymouth to catch up with C, who I have not seen since she got remarried, like 8 years ago. And other than that, just some house tidying, and maybe some gardening. Oh and dog walking. Maybe I will take her to the beach. Will just have to see how the days pan out.

Dear Lord. Thank you for another wonderful day. Thank you for blessing me with work, so the day went by quickly. Thank you for blessing me with T. who had dinner ready for me when I got home. Please help me stay strong and keep to a sensible spending and saving path. And please give me the strength to get physically and mentally healthy and progress on a path to physical and spiritual wellness. Amen

One day to go

Well I only have one day of work to go before I get to my four days off - yay! One good thing about being back on roster is the four days off. The 12 hour days on the other hand are another thing entirely. Hopefully there is only one season to go before T and I move to a larger farm where I can assist him with the milking, calf rearing etc. I will not only pray for this, but also for us to get pregnant, or begin adoption proceedings for overseas children - before I get too old (which is only 1 year away re: child adoption ages!).

Today I had my first aid course. I am glad that I have the opportunity to do these every couple of years as it keeps my skills and knowledge up, plus relevant as things change all the time.

My sore throat is still a bit tender, but hopefully it will let me have a better sleep tonight. I woke up a lot last night with it hurting to swallow. It was pretty good for most of the day, with the course taking my mind off of it I guess.

Dear Lord. Thank you for blessing me today with a great basic first aid course, and for bringing T home to me safely last night. Please continue to watch over me, my family, my friends, and my animals. Thank you for providing me with outstanding food, shelter and all the necessities of life. Amen

Sore throat

I had the beginnings of a sore throat last night. It never really manifest into anything today, just the odd uncomfortable feeling throughout the day. It's really not feeling all that good at the moment. I have taken a strepsils, so heres hoping that that calms it down, and kills off any bugs.

I had a fantastic day at work yesterday. I had to be brave and go to the factory in Eltham, meet up with two guys I have never met, and spend 5 hours in the company of several other people that I have never met. It was so interesting! It was to do with a customer problem we are having with SOS cheese. So I did not only learn about how sliced cheese was made, but the process management need to go through to fix problems. It was an awesome day, and I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to experience it. Thank you so much Lord, for giving me the opportunity, plus the drive to accept the opportunity!

T went to Tauranga today, more car parts for the mini sprint. It will be his last opportunity for a while since calving has begun, plus the importer guy is off overseas, so they would not have had the chance to see him for a while either. I hope that he gets to racing this season, as I think last season was hard for him without having any car to race.

Mum txt me today to say that Zara had another good day. Mum took her for a walk along the stop bank, and river. And she was so tired she even relaxed enough to have a wee sleep, so that is awesome.

Dear God. Thank you so much for such an awesome day today. Thank you for giving me the strength to not spend any money, again! And thank you for my upbeat attitude and internal monologue. Please continue to watch over my friends, animals and family, and continue to protect and guide them as you do best. Amen

UGLY

Just had an aha moment. Listening into a radio type forum, which I can't even remember the name of, which was about women/girls and their self esteem and weight and self perceptions. I have always wondered how it was that I became fat, the fat that I currently am. And why can I not fix it? I was always skinny growing up. Then at around 20 I decided to prattle on about being fat, when I wasn't, not even close to being fat. Then at 25 other people seemed to be indicating that I was overweight - which I wasn't. I was around 63kg for goodness sakes! Maybe I was just reading things into comments that I shouldn't have done. A couple of times I was down to 50kg, and then did all the boys like that? Why yes they did. Why for heaven's sakes? Why am I so worried that boys like me? It is because I was/am so ugly that I really didn't think that I would ever get a man to marry me. I still get pained about the time a complete stranger, driving past in a car, yelled out 'great legs, shame about the face', which understandably crushed and humiliated me and provided me with all the proof that I needed to indeed show that yes, I am ugly. And you can't complain about being ugly, because if it is the truth, then nothing can be done about it. Being fat is something I can fix, but if I fix that, I am still ugly!

Until I make peace with myself and my looks, I will never be a happy person.

Dear Lord, I apologise to you for all the pain I have caused you for not loving myself in the image that you have provided me. I know that you would never create something of ugly, and understand that I am something of beauty. Amen.

Back home today

We returned from Waipuk. today, minus Zara. With a bit of heartbreak I decided to leave her with Mum and Dad. I am sure that in the long run she will be better off. I just hope that she does not feel like she has been abandoned twice in the last month. On an upside, wee Socks is currently in for a visit.

Once again I acted like a child, especially with my parents. Just a totally bad habit that I really need to break. I was good with the pruning of the hydrangas, but spoiled brat didn't do much else for the rest of the time. I am not sure how I can go about growing up. My 'natural' reaction is to be defensive, and loud, and obnoxious. I am not even sure if obnoxious is the right term. Rude would definitely be a good term to use. I guess its generally due to my lack of self esteem, which I really need to work on.

May be a good line for a prayer, Dear Lord, please assist me in my quest for higher self esteem. Please help me find the ways to improve my self worth, and to help me work on this every day. Please give me the tools to be more thankful and loving to all of those in my life, past, present and future. Thank you for all you have provided me so far in my journey to self fulfillment. Amen

Awesome day

I had such a fantastic day today. It was the first time I have ever been a part of the interview process, from the other side of the table. I am so pleased that I got given the opportunity to assist in interviews, and I am very glad that I took up the opportunity. We interviewed 4 people, who were all pretty good. Hard to decide as to whether they would fit in or not, but luckily we have temp. jobs going as well, so that is a great starting point for them. I also got a free lunch for doing it, and extra hours worked off, so all in all it was pretty great. When I think that I have only worked at Fonterra for two years and they have invited me to be a part of interviews, (irrespectful of how many staff are currently around) I think that that is pretty awesome.

Today I also got an email from the environmental lady who said that I am able to be a part of the eco-efficiency team, if it is ok with my bosses, so thats pretty cool. I am so glad that I am making an effort to become more involved, as it is definitely making work more interesting, which it certainly needed to be, but was obviously down to my effort and not the effort of the company. Plus I am getting involved with the teamwork toolkit, so busy, busy, busy at work.

And I have now just got a visit from Socks, the neighbours cat. I was afraid she had been picked up in the SPCA raids of the other 'cat hording' neighbour who has been hospitalised, so it is good to see she is still around.

Not to mention I now have 3 sleep-ins as I took tomorrow off of work to head back home to check out my rental property before the new tenants move in. Will also get a chance to see the horses, and see how Zara goes with Mum and Dad. Mind you, she is so cute and full of life now I really don't think that I want to part with her. Will see how I feel on Sunday.

Now that God has got my life going in a fantastic direction, hopefully I can begin to work on my sweet-tooth, weight problem. There is no stopping me now baby!

Unproductive day

I have been so unproductive today. Got up at 6.40am as I had to go into work for 1.5 hours to cover what I need to know regarding interviews tomorrow. It meant that I had to cancel leave for today (well 1.5 hours of it) and I then booked more for Friday, since we need to go to Waipuk to check out the house, and see if we need commercial cleaners and wotnot. Silly me thought that we could head over after work on Thursday, but I forgot I don't finish until 4.30pm because of interviews, rather than 2.30pm, so we will need to head off fairly early on Friday morning (ie 8amish).

Other than that I have only organised my money and paid some bills, leaving me with not very much for the remainder of the fortnight. All will be well again in a months time, as I have my ute registration to pay with my next paycheck. And I am very glad I am actually be conscious of how much money I have, and what I am spending, and on what I am spending. I sure hope that I keep it up!

I also made some coconut ice, of which I have over indulged in and now feel slightly sick. It looks good though.

And I have walked the dogs, twice. Plus rescued a chicken from Zara, who obviously now has the confidence up to chase them - little bugger! I hope she doesn't chase the cats at mum and dads.

Finally I still have some washing to fold up, plus tea to cook. I have watched way too much tv, and basically been not the best kind of person today. At least the house is basically tidy, and I have been maintaining it. I do need to take the next step and really work harder on dusting and cleaning, and getting certain areas in order, such as our bedroom and my desk area. But I am getting there.

RIP Doccy Dog

Mum and Dad had my staffy Doc's put down today. I still remember rescuing her from a skinhead brother of one of my flatmates at the time. Poor little girl was 3 months old and still the size of a 6 week old. For nearly 14 years she has had the true life of Riley. Beginning with a life on a 350 acre farm, then to the beach, and lately walks down by the Tukituki river everyday. I am so glad that T and I went there recently for a week to look after the dogs and cats, so we got to spend some quality time with Doccy Dog, and I am thankful to God for this. I am also very glad that Mum and Dad made the decision to have her put down before she began to suffer any pain or discomfort.

I am supposed to have the day off tomorrow, but I will go in from 8-10am to get the information required for my interviews on Thursday. I only have to participate in 4, so thats pretty cool. I am nervously looking forward to it.

T and I will be heading back to Waipuk. on Friday afternoon, as my tenants are moving out, and the new ones will be moving in the following Friday, so I would like to take a good look at the place before there are new people living in there.

I am currently waiting for a phone call from T. who invited me to the horse event a couple of weekends ago. I am so nervous, because I have a 'fear' of phone calls. Who would know why, but I just have never liked the phone. I much prefer txt and email contact. I am not sure why this is, but until the phone call is over I will be nervous. Its not like I am not articulate, or what ever. Just a form of shyness I guess.

So my head is pretty full at the moment. Dogs, and photography, and work, and T. too.

Momentous Monday

My momentous moment from the week is this shot of our original pound rescue dog of 2 years, hanging out with our newly rescued cocker spaniel of 2 weeks. It is so nice to see how well she has settled in.

Home sick with the bot

Having a sick day today. I really don't like sick days as I find it hard to work out if I am sick enough to stay home, or whether I should go to work and soldier on. Case in point today, I was up from 4am-4.30am with bathroom visits. From 4.30-4.50am I just lay awake attempting to work out if I was sick or not. Got up at 4.50am as I was feeling fine. Had my shower, and was all dressed and feeling fine, then when I was making my lunch I had another stomach cramp and went back to the bathroom. At which point I decided that I wasn't feeling all that well, and decided to take a sick day. Truth be told, by 10am I was feeling much better, but it was better that I did stay home. To justify it further there are a few people who have received letters for having used all of their sick days, and others who use them for days off after a hard nights drinking. So I really don't feel too much guilt. I do just hate having to do it, thats all.

I got to watch Saving Private Ryan today. I think I may have seen all of it before, can not really remember. It is horribly graphic, and very long, and not at all very nice. Hopefully I remember this before I decide to watch it again. I do quite like war movies, but prefer much happier endings. And it was not of a real educational bent, like the one with Bruce Willis the other day.

I have walked the dogs this afternoon, plus given them both a quick brush. Zara got another zap off of the fence today, when down with T. Luckily she just ran straight back home. Its been a beautiful sunny day, that started off with a huge frost. Hopefully Zara decides to lay out in the sunshine a bit, instead of sitting inside the porch. I have taken her jacket off in the hopes of encouraging her to do a bit of sunbathing.

I am really beginning to feel good about my life.

Sad Movie

Watch a Bruce Willis war movie today, set in Nigeria. It is horrible to think how these countries are treating their own people. Makes me want to sponsor a child more than ever. It is just ascertaining that 1. The funds will get through to the child. and 2. It is something that I will want to keep going with, as it is not something one should start without committing fully to until the child is grown and self sufficient.

Mentioned adoption to T this morning, and he said that he would be happy to go to CYFS with me to find out more about it. I think I will find as much information as I can about it first, before talking with T, and booking an appointment with them. I really do need to have more grown up conversations with T instead of focusing so much on the TV, and failing to have any real connecting conversations at all.

So much to work on!

Gotta curb my spending

Well I have been working hard at curbing my spending, up until a few days ago, where I overspent on chocolate, magazines, and other junk foods. I have now begun a record of spending, which covers not just what I have spent that day, but includes a listing of where I have mis-spent, and on what. One hopes that this may make me think a lot more about where each and every dollar and cent is going. I think the old adage is if you take care of the cents, the dollars take care of themselves. I am also going to begin a fortnightly total of my bank accounts. A record of what is in each bank account the day before payday. Hopefully, as I see the amounts in these accounts increase, then I will continue to feel inspired and continue to work hard at my finances.

One thing that will help (providing I DO NOT spend the funds elsewhere) is to purchase cheaper brands, rather than the top of the line. I will make a note where the cheaper brands do not serve me as well, so we can still have nice food, but where it makes no difference (ie handee towels, toilet paper, cling film) then I should purchase the cheaper brand. I was also thinking that if I get 'shop n go' I will be able to keep a track as I am spending, and curb my habits while in the store.

The blogs I am following are also great, as they are inspiring me, and motivating me to be a better person/human throughout. I am proud of the steps I am taking and the progress I am making, but there is still a long road ahead.

I love wireless

Last Saturday before going out to Kaponga School Quiz night - even when I think I look good I don't

We finally got wireless, so now I can sit anywhere I like and play on the computer. I even had a couple of games of chess today (which I lost terribly - but it has been a very long time since I last played a game).

I have had a terrible week with food. Made afghan and anzac biscuits, and ate them. Made more anzac biscuits today, and have eaten two. Ate a large packet of MnM's in the last 2 days, plus a milo bar. I need to work much harder on my diet. Especially since it is whenever I see myself that I get depressed. Arghhhhh at me!

Nothing of interest to write today really. Over the last week I was quite busy. Photographed all of last weekend at the Show Hunter Clinic in Hawera. Have managed to get all of the photos up on flickr. Not sure if I will sell any. Have arranged at work to be the Laboratory contact for the Risk Organism Response Plan. The head of it said that they had it all sorted, so I will just be involved in reviews, but at least it is a start. Here's hoping they have fairly regular meetings. I am also going to be involved in the interviews next Thursday, so that should be interesting.

Zara has been to the vet and had a tooth out, plus they fully clipped her. I went into town today and bought her a fleece jacket to keep her warm until her hair grows out. It will be p to me to groom her every second day to ensure she does not matt up again. I had to tell the vet that she was a rescue and that was how we got her as she seemed to think that I had let her get into that state.

T still has not done his thing and taken a sample to medlab. I just don't know what to do. I would love to adopt but don't know how to approach T about it. We just don't seem all that close at the moment, so perhaps I should work on that first, before anything else! The kitchen is still clean, and I have been making the majority of dinners, so my housewife project is still going quite well. I must take my vitamin B every morning though, as I have been quite tired, and grumpy, and that is not good enough.

Have been doing my best to pray, and be careful with my money. I did have one slip up with my money where I bought way too much junk/lollies on Thursday, but I am definitely getting better.

There is no such thing as a free dog

This is what I look like at work. I don't have to be dressy, as I work in a chemistry lab, but I definitely think I could improve upon it somewhat!

Had another great day at work today. I did get a bit tired, it being Friday I guess, but I made it through with a great attitude. I would love to have a couple of days off but I have organised photographing the next two days in Hawera. Hopefully the weather will be fine, and my photos will turn out well. I get a bit more nervous when someone has actually asked me to be there.

Took Zara to the vets this afternoon. I had no idea how disgusting her teeth and gums were! Yuck. Black teeth, and a giant ulcer. Just plain awful. She is booked in again for Thursday, where she will be knocked out and have her teeth cleaned (hopefully not removed) and they will also clip all of the horrible matted knots off as well. Very lucky I have sold my desk and ab circle pro, as that money should cover the bill. And here was me thinking God had organised these sales so I could begin sponsoring a child. Obviously it was for the dog, and I shall have to save up for the child.

Worked well on becoming a 'perfect' wife again today. Left the kitchen and lounge spotless, and the bathroom very clean as well. Lucky because I forgot T's family were coming over to go to the Mangamingi dog sale. YAY! Plus I cooked tea, rather than have takeaways, to save funds to sponsor a child. I am beginning to feel very grown-up these days. Thank you God