Headaches - I just don't get them

Well okay, I hardly ever get headaches, but I have one now.  I'm pretty sure it is a side effect of the drugs TJL gets to inject me with each day.  I think the counsellor said that they would dehydrate me, which is why I am not to have anything with caffeine in it (which for me means chocolate) as that would dehydrate me further.  I am guessing that is why I have a headache now.  I got one last night at about 10pm, and woke up with a bit of one, but haven't had one for most of the day, and then it came back about 6.30pm tonight.  I have been trying to drink plenty of water, but I just don't feel like it.  The nurse did say I could have panadol, but not neurofen, so I might take a panadol shortly, unless this headache disappears all of it's own accord.  I really do prefer to not take anything in addition to what I am currently on.

I have my blood test tomorrow.  Here's hoping it gives us the results we need.  I am going to try and not worry about it, as there is nothing we can do, but I'm still hoping for good results regardless (whatever a 'good' result will be, I have no idea).  Being that this is my first IVF, and having not done any research as such, I really am pretty much flying blind here.  It just means that I have to go with the flow, and do whatever they tell me.  Yep, I have blind faith in the doctors and nurses, and will continue to do so until something goes 'wrong', which I sincerely hope it doesn't!

Other symptoms other than a headache.  My tummy is a bit funny, uncomfortable, but nothing major and I am SO TIRED, oh so tired!  More tired than usual.  I don't know whether it is to do with the stress of having to catch up editing and uploading 5000 photos to my website from two weeks worth of events, or if it is the drugs, or, most likely, a combination of the two.  I am so glad I got the photos finished today, seeing as how I have an event to shoot tomorrow.  At least there will be only one event to edit through, rather than the 3 per week for the previous two weeks.

So I am busy tomorrow.  Have my blood test in H by 8.30am, back home by 9.00am for my shot, then back into H to shoot the event.  I guess I could take the shot in with me to save me a trip, but I strangely prefer TJL to do it now, now I have him trained up anyways.

So now I'm off to laze on the couch and watch the goggle box, not that there is anything decent to watch, but I just need to give my mind and eyes a break from this computer screen!

Check ya later!

TJL … I am not a cow! Mooooooo!

So the injections are going well so far.  I do work myself into a bit of a state before each shot (actually for a good hour or two before each shot).  Stupid really, as they don't really hurt THAT much, just a wee sting, but still, each and every day so far I have felt sick at the thought of having my shots.  TJL tells me to not think about it … bah ha ha ha haaaaa … if I knew how to not think about it I definitely would be doing that.  Its not a major state, just makes me feel 'sad' if anything.  Random, I know, but thats how I'm feeling at the moment … sad, and overwhelmed - far too much going on at the moment.

I just had my first Gonal F shot tonight.  It is the 'big one', so of course I was more worried than usual.  TJL has been doing great with the injections so far, aside from the second one when he forgot to pinch up a bit of skin and just 'stuck the needle in', I got jabbed twice at that one, and he got a bit of a 'telling off' … lol.  And it's not like I don't have a lot of extra 'skin' … hahaha

However, none of his shots have been as good as the first one, and I worked out today it is because he is used to injecting cows.  One thing about cows, they have thick, tough hides.  You need to use a bit of 'force and distance' when injecting them.  Unfortunately he had been doing the same with me!  I thought to tell him tonight, before my two shots, that he doesn't need to inject me like a cow, and a gentle insertion of the needle should be fine.  Fortunately it worked, and the 'pain' was minimal.  And when I say pain, on a scale of 1-10 its about a 2 … lol.  But I will get nervous again tomorrow before my shots, and I dare say this will continue until I no longer need to have any shots at all.

And now to bed.

Here we go ….

I started Buserelin injections today.  Despite all my fears, I didn't feel much when TJL injected me this morning.  I begin Gonal F on Friday, and judging by the amount to be delivered (ie significantly more than Buserelin) I might be feeling that one a bit more!  I guess I will know Friday night.

Had a good trip up to H.Town yesterday, to get the drugs.  TJL got a wee surprise in finding out he had to pay another bill, but he sucked it up and paid it (what a good man).  Then he had to give a sample.  He didn't get any 'instructions' ie, the room was blank, there was a TV and no remote.  Lucky he's a bit of a snooper and opened a cupboard door and found some Magazines.  He wasn't too sure if he could have done it if they weren't there.

Then we had the meeting with the nurse, re how to inject the drugs.  TJL being a dairy farmer doesn't have a problem at all with injecting me, which is a relief as I don't think I could inject myself.

Finally was a meeting with a counsellor.  She was ok.  I think she expected us to be 'really excited' and we were a bit more relaxed about it.  Basically I just want it over.  And I'm not getting my hopes up, I refuse to!  By the end of it she wished I could work for her as my attitude towards it was so good.  As I told her, I have contingency plans if it doesn't work, but no plans in place if it does … lol.   I figure if it does work then I will have plenty of time to plan from then on.

So it's all go, scary stuff!

Incredibly busy week - the photo edition

We have had an incredibly hectic week with hay making, farm 'shopping', vet visit, TJL's birthday (and thus his family visit).  And tonight I get to milk as TJL has speedway and needs to get there early.

Not to mention that I still have 2000 photos to edit and upload from last weekend, and I am back out taking more photos tomorrow!  Now let me hear you all SCREAM!

So here are a few things, in pictorial form.  Probably out of order :-)

Calf enjoying a chew on my shirt before getting vaccinated

TJL checking out the calves before vaccination

Get lots of these shots ...

… and these ones ...

… and these ones

Vet giving the vaccinations.  Does it super quick (now I'm worried about IVF injections starting soon).

Freedom!  After vaccinations.

Chocolate cake made for TLJ's birthday.

TJL turning hay

Stella-D

Stella-D

TJL turning hay.

Boys heading up to fresh grazing - Jeckle, Bernard and Paulie

Jeckle rubbing on a bank on the way up to paddock ...

… awww yeah ...

… AWWWW  YEAH!!!!

Hay bale

Hay bale closeup in black and white

Hay bale closeup in black and white

Hay bale closeup

TJL bringing hay to the shed, 3 bales at a time

Making hay while the sun shines

That saying is an oldie but a goodie, and definitely applies to us today.  Last nights weather report was all good, up until about Thursday, and so trusting the metrologist's (as there is no other option) we are good to go.  Unfortunately we did get a bit undecided this morning as we got a bit of heavy rain, but it now seems to have gone and the cutting of hay has begun.

Hay making is one of my favourite farm activities.  The smell of freshly cut grass.  The sweet smell of hay when it gets baled.  I also love the memories, back in the day of conventional bales, when the hay gangs (usually students) would be busy all summer stacking up truck and trailers with bales of hay, tanned and muscular from all the hard physical work.  Ahhh, a time when men were men!  Then there would be the sitting around, having a feed and a 'beer' after a hard, solid, days work.

I also remember my father stringing up a couple of bales in the hay shed, chucking on an old saddle, so my sister and I could ride and swing to our hearts content.  No doubt it saved my poor pony from being ridden into the ground.  Dad only did this for us for one year.  In hindsight he must have discovered them to be bloody annoying when he had to get the rest of his hay out of the shed, lucky he was kind hearted enough to leave them up for the summer season.

As an aside, another of my favourite farm activities is shearing, but now I am on a dairy farm I have to survive on my shearing memories alone.  I love the smell of raw wool with its lanolin!

The neighbour has also decided that it might be a good time to spread some fert.  Obviously one of the quickest ways to do this is via helicopter.  Those pilots have some serious skills!

I tried to be seriously quick with the next photo.  My better half cutting hay, milk tanker collecting milk, and helicopter doing fert.  All tools of the agricultural trade!

And I couldn't resist getting a few shots of the dog.  She is a pound puppy, black lab x kelpie.  Unfortunately our farm is too small for a real farm dog, there would not be enough work for one, so we have our pet instead.  I am hoping to rehome a retired huntaway at some stage.  I just love farm dogs and think that rehoming a dog that is passed their working best would be a great compromise.

Words

A few people have been coming up with words that they are focusing on for the year.  So far I have come up with 4!  Yes, that pretty much describes me - indecisive or greedy or just a faffer general.  Anyway, what has been happening for me is some mornings I wake up and I have a new word in mind.  At the moment I am writing them on the whiteboard in the kitchen, and so far it's working pretty well as TJL then reads them and repeats them, and thus reminds me of them.


So the words I have up (so far) are:-

FOCUS - I have picked focus because, as I said before, I am very, very good at faffing around rather than getting tasks done.  This is a hard one for me.  I know what I should be doing but get sidetracked extremely easily.


GROW - This really stands for many things.  A key one is to Grow Up!  I am embarrassingly immature.  Seriously.  It is time I grew up.  I also want to grow in my understanding of God, as I am such a beginner when it comes to Christianity.  I want to grow my photography business, grow decent vegetable and flower gardens.  And, of course I want to grow a baby, or three, or how every many God decides to bless us with.


ENGAGE - I need to engage more with TJL, rather than spend all our time in the same room watching TV and being on the computer.  A relationship can not exist in this manner!  I need to listen more and talk less.  And I need to actually concentrate when I listen, not show a half interest, it has to be listening in full.


APPRECIATE - This was the word I had when I woke up this morning.  I am a glass half empty kind of person.  What I realised this morning was that, the only thing missing from my life is children.  Other than that I have everything I ever wished for.  My fiancee is a farmer.  I am a photographer.  I own a house.  So I don't appreciate what I have, and it is time that I did.  


I wonder if God will bring me any new words tomorrow?

So unmotivated!

Seriously, it is terrible at how unmotivated I am at the moment.  I blame the weather, it has been warm and wet so far this year.  We have definitely had enough rain now, we need SUNSHINE so we can get our hay made!

Today I had been asked to head out and photograph the Taranaki Area Mounted Games.  I wasn't too sure if it would still be on, as we have had so much rain I thought that the grounds would be slippery.  Fortunately they didn't start until 10.30am (such a civilised hour), and the grounds are only 15 minutes away, so I didn't have to leave home until 10am (I like to get there a bit early to see the set-up etc).

This is one of the top older riders.

It was a real shame to see only 4 teams competing today as games are such fun to ride. I am interested in joining the committee (if they have one) but words of wisdom from TJL is to wait until IVF is over (he is definitely a sensible one!)

This is one of the younger novice riders.  The boys, I find, really love the mounted games side of horse riding.

I was so glad I went!  I had thought about 'piking out' because of the weather, but it really was more to do with my lethargy.  Going to the games reminded me that I LOVE MOUNTED GAMES, it is definitely my favourite discipline.  If I ever get a horse again I really think I will do games (if I can).

I really liked this shot as the horses legs are almost in unison, you don't get that shot very often.

So I am very thankful that God has provided me with the motivation to get back into my photography, via the use of Mounted Games.

I'm back!

Cheers

Micha

Tidying up my crafty stuff

I drove into H town today as there was supposed to be dressage on for me to photograph.  There was not a sign at all that the event was on today, so I high tailed it back home.  I wasn't really in the mood to photograph in the intermittent rain today anyway.

When I got home I decided to start tidying up my craft containers.  Our house is not the largest, so all of my stuff if 'jammed' into a couple of containers, and recently they haven't had their lids on due to being so full.

Of course, once you start 'tidying' your craft stuff you end up wanting to actually do some craft stuff, so in actual fact my tidying ended up looking like this - 

Yep, stuff for MILES!  And seriously, I think we need to get rid of the 1970's Lazyboy in the corner, it's only used as a 'shelf', and currently it has a dead DVD player, and one of the cow's brushes on it.  But yes, messy, messy, messy.  I did manage to get it mostly tidied up before TJL came in for dinner.

I did achieve something through the mess though.  I finally got around to organising our engagement cards.  I can't remember where I got the original idea from, definitely a fellow blogger, but just which one it was, sorry I can't remember.  A big thank you to you anyway, whoever you are!

So I scrapbooked a cover, to go with our engagement cards.  My (old) work colleagues gave us a HUGE card, so I had to make a HUGE cover.  I'm definitely a newbie to scrapbooking (as in I have done about 6 pages total) so I have A  LOT  to learn.  I actually wish I had used blue paper instead of the green, but what's done is done.

And below is the inside.  I have only tied it up with a bit of ribbon, so I can still add more cards (if we get any more, like, if we actually have an engagement party at some point).  Plus I want to write out the proposal and ring details and include them in there as well.  

 The photo that I put on the front is from our trip to Cairns, before we got engaged, but I didn't have any decent ones of us from the actual day.  I do have some others from the day though, so want to have them inside too.

I plan to do this with all saved birthday and Christmas cards as well.  Fortunately they are all just regular sized, so I won't have to make such a big cover!

See you next time

Micha

Good feelings

I just realised today (yes I can be slow), that I did the right thing by quitting my job 3 months ago.  I think if I was still under the 'stress' of work (and that would have been purely because I disliked the environment so much, not because the work itself was stressful) then the thought of even trying IVF would have been an added stressor, and then, in my opinion, the chance of success would have been greatly reduced.

However, since I did quit three months ago, I think I have had just the right amount of time to free myself from the work stress, and relax out, and be more receptive for the IVF.  I know that I am lucky to have TJL and so have been able to be work free and get myself kind of ready, but seriously, I have no idea how other people do it.  I find it mentally quite taxing, so trying to handle both IVF and work would have put me to my limit.

So I am all geared to go.  I feel great!  Yes I could do with some weight loss, and I am working on it, but other than that, and my age, I really don't think that there should be any other issues, so fingers crossed we have a great cycle, and all that goes with it.

One thing I can thank infertility for, is giving me patience.  She's a long, slow, process, especially here in good ol' New Zealand, I'm just glad we have finally begun the road!

Day one of BCP

So today I started birth control pills.  This means that the process of IVF has now begun.  It's exciting, and scary!  I haven't been on BCP for a very, very long time, so I hope they don't stuff up my cycle since I am so regular.  Oh well, time will tell.  We have the appointment for drugs (and how to inject them etc) on the 31st Jan, and so I figure we will be doing the whole IVF petri-dish experiment sometime around Valentines Day.  Being infertile I look to anything as 'a sign' that all will be well, so I'm going with YAY!  I'm going to get pregnant Valentines Day … lol.  Well, a girl can dream can't she … is it to early to start hoping for twins … hahaha.

And then onto more mundane things ...

Tonight for dinner we had Baked Pork Chops in Applesauce.  It was de.lic.ious!  I am so glad I am branching out in the cooking department.  It was super easy as well.

Ingredients
Pork Chops (we had 3, so one left over for lunch tomorrow)
2 Tbsp flour
1/2 tsp salt
Dash of pepper
1/4 cup Catsup (I used good ol' Watties Tomato Sauce)
3/4 cup boiling water
1 cup applesauce (I made my own)
1 onion, sliced

Method
Preheat oven to 350 F (180 C)
Brown pork chops in skillet then put into casserole dish
Add flour, salt, pepper, catsup, boiling water, and applesauce to skillet with pork juices (see pic below), stir until thickened and smooth

Place sliced onions onto pork chops (I actually cooked my onions in the mix above)
Pour applesauce mixture over pork chops.
Bake 45 minutes or until done

I served with green beans and potato kumera mash … yum, yum, yum

The only other thing I achieved today was cleaning the goldfish tank.  I gave it a thorough clean so the fish got moved out into my spare small tank, all the water taken out (into buckets to go back in), all the stones taken out and washed, and all the sides of the tank cleaned.  It looks good!  And the fish seem quite happy so all is well.  Hooray!

Wedding

TJL and I had a weekend away for my friend CrazyJ's wedding.  It was 'back home' so we stayed with my parents, 2nd time in two weeks for me, so that was great.  Being the great photographer I am I didn't actually take a camera in with me (I only had large ones with me and totally forgot my little compact one.  The photos below are pinched from Facebook taken by the Brides sister).

This is the venue - The Hawke's Bay Club.  It was very nice, lovely and historic.

The cake was very cool.   Little cupcakes for everyone to eat (they were made by another of the brides sisters), and the cake topper included a pregnant bride (which J was).  The cupcakes were delicious (I originally got a banana one, and luckily TJL got a vanilla one so we swapped). 

J&J cutting the 'cupcake'.  The top tier is fruit cake that is being saved for the birth of their baby girl in a couple of months.

If you couldn't quite tell by the above pic, the groom was indeed in a wheelchair (due to a botched operation when he was early 20's I think).  Also the bride was in jandals and I was so jealous!  My feet hurt in my tiny heeled shoes (that means the heels were tiny, not the shoes themselves!)

Awwww father daughter dance.  J is the oldest of 4 sisters, and the last to get married and have children.  He was one happy man!  And obviously J was over the moon to finally have the man of her dreams.

Acupuncture appointment

Had another acupuncture appointment today.  Have I said before how much I love acupuncture.

After my last appointment, when she gave me the 'hot cigar' treatment (can not remember its proper name), I had spotting a few days before my period.  I NEVER have spotting.  And then my period was a day late, I'm NEVER a day late, my cycle is a perfect 27 days (I had thought it was 28 but that was me counting day 1, twice, doh! … lol).  Acupuncturist was pleased as it meant that the treatment was 'doing something', and while I do agree, any strange symptoms for someone with infertility can't but help raise the hopes, although it was very slightly and I did think the cause was the acupuncture, but you know, hoping for a miracle here!

Todays treatment was good, it was on my back, which is super relaxing.  Then she massaged my feet and legs - talk about OUCH!  Man she digs in deep!  And then she did my shoulder area, which is full of knots, and yep, that hurt too!  But I always feel great afterwards, and she has given me stretches to do for my back and shoulders.

My feet have been giving me a bit of trouble lately too, especially the right.  Apparently I have 'too much skin' and I need to slough it off (she said some people would razor blade it off … what??!! - I am so out of touch with what people do).  Anyway, I bought a pumice stone and foot file today, so I shall get to work on tidying up my feet.

I haven't made another appointment as yet, as period is due tomorrow, and we have to see what will be happening with IVF before I book for more acupuncture.

Ohhh, exciting and nervous.

Hopefully my period comes tomorrow, as I have no clue as to what will happen if it comes on the weekend and we are away, wait another month most likely!  And I don't want to.

Oh the trials and tribulations living in a country where so few clinics do IVF, and I have to travel 4 hours to get to it!

Catch-ups and giveaways

I had a great day today.  I met up with a couple of 'girls' that I used to work with at Fonterra.  It was great to catch up with them and to find out what was going on back at the 'ol joint.  It is pretty much same ol', same ol' - no surprises there.  I am so glad I got out.  M is about ready to 'pop' with baby #1.  She is a bit nervous, as she is single, but she will be fine.  S is as sporty as ever, and had plenty of gossip to share before M got there.  I try not to be big on gossip, and it really was one of the reason's I left, but I am ashamed to admit, I did enjoy hearing the tales about what was going on.  I have to say that it wasn't too much gossip, and it wasn't malicious, but it was gossip none-the-less.

Then, when I went to the supermarket, I bumped into another old colleague D.  It was a brief catch up with her (had frozens and it was HOT today), but she looked great, and it was definitely nice to see her.

I got home in time to cook dinner for TJL.  I had planned to attempt an apricot chicken dish, but I actually didn't have all the ingredients!  It's called shopping in a hurry as you didn't really want to be there, and therefore stuffing up.  I still cooked chicken (lemon garlic), but it wasn't anything 'new' liked I'd hoped.

I had two Facebook giveaways tonight.  One was for my Photography business (I had three calendars left from my Christmas giving), and one was for the Taranaki Mountainairs (local basketball team).  Again it was calendars.  My photography one went well, I had 14 contenders, so I drew three names out of a hat.  The basketball one only had 2 contenders and there were 3 calendars and 5 magnet calendars.  Oh well, I will be able to give them away at games.  It always amazes me about how hard it is to give away things at times.  At least I'm trying my best to promote the team, and that's the main thing.  It might take time but it all has to start from somewhere.

Getting out of a cooking rut

Poor TJL, I have really been in a cooking rut for the last four years.  I am not a bad cook, I just got into my fathers way of cooking - meat and three veg, one being potato, 'chinese 5 spice chicken or sweet and sour pork and rice', pasta via lasagne, bolognaise, or mac. cheese, roast meals, and on the odd occasion kebabs, or maybe a salad instead of cooked veg.

So tonight's plan of attack was to make sweet and sour pork, with rice.  And then I thought (wow, me thinking - miracles are happening in 2012 already!), sorry, then I thought, google pork slices and see what recipes come up.  The first couple looked pretty good - Caramelized Pork Slices and Tangy Sweet Pork Belly Slices.  I went with the Tangy Sweet Pork Belly Slices, but used silverbeet instead of watercress or puha.  I also REALLY branched out and went with brown rice instead of the usual Jasmine or Basmati.

It was delicious, and really, really easy, and TJL really liked it, and appreciated that I went to some effort to make something different.

I then remembered that I had signed up for Pinterest You can find me here (I hope) so I saved the recipes to my boards.  And now I can finally see the point to Pinterest (sorry, I can be a bit slow), but from now on, when I see stuff I like, and am inspired by, I can Pin it!  Yes!

I also must make more effort to get photos to this blog!  Otherwise it is a bit of a bore … hahaha.

But for now I am off to pin, pin, pin!

Ahhhh ... it's time for New Years Resolutions

I have been having a think, on my walk with Stella-D, about how my life is shaping up, and what I want to achieve in 2012, since a new year and a new beginning all happens tomorrow.

I have decided I will be best to actually write down everything I do, and then alongside it everything I hope to do.  I think I might find that my biggest problem, along with a lot of people, is that I hope to do too much, so what I really need to do is prioritise what is most important and focus on those things, and then commit any 'spare' time to 'everything' else.

So tonights job will be to create this list, and how I plan to tackle it - month by month - starting, of course, with January!

I shall be back …

And here it is;

What I achieved 2011	What I hope to achieve 2012
Finances Records of daily spending	Finances Records of daily spending Spending within my means Debt free aside from mortgage
Farming Hose out shed most mornings	Farming Hose out shed most mornings Milk four times a week Finances once a week MINDA once a week Blog weekly
Photography Increased sales Good customer service Daily records of finances	Photography Increase profile and sales Excellent customer service Daily records of finances Increase skills Exhibition in Winter Thorough backups and records of photos Make a file of outstanding photos
House and Garden House cleanish and tidyish Flower garden planted and mostly weeded Vegetable garden partly planted and mostly weeded	House and Garden House on a cleaning schedule Flower garden weeded weekly Vegetable garden weeded weekly Vegetable garden harvested when required Berry garden birdproofed Flower and vegetable seedlings ready in continuous manner
Friends and Family Reconnected with Carmen Reconnected with Heather	Friends and Family More proactive with birthdays Phone Mum and Dad monthly Dinner monthly with Trent Lunch monthly with Trent Movies with Thelma Email contact with Manda, Heather
Personal Quit my job, less stress Got engaged Got accepted as foster parents Walk Stella-D twice a day	Personal Connect more with God Get fit and healthy Stop watching so much TV Read more books Expand breakfast/lunch/dinner menus Walk Stella-D twice a day Blog weekly

January 2012

Finances

Pay all bills in full, work out total debt or credit

Work out average weekly income from photography business

Work out average weekly expenses (including rental house)

Construct a budget to live within my means

Farming

Milk twice a week

Hose out most mornings

Get MINDA up-to-date

Read newspapers daily for weekly blog

Photography

Mark all events for January in calendar

Daily records of finances

Outstanding January photos to file

Study one chapter of Photography book

House and Garden

Follow cleaning schedule

One day a week vegetable garden weeding

One day a week flower garden weeding

One day (a month) seeds into punnets

Bird netting for raspberries

Friends and Family

Note all January birthdays

Go to Manda’s leaving

Email Thelma about movies

Email Heather to see how Christmas and New Year went

Work out what day of yearling sales to go to with Carmen

Julies wedding - 07th

Personal

Read Bible 5 minutes a day (starting anywhere)

12 week plan starts 16 January

Treat food - small amount twice a week

Walk Stella-D twice a day

Read Skywatch and select movies/programmes that I REALLY want to watch, write down day and time

Watch 1 x cooking programme a week for fresh ideas on what to make for meals

Read 1 x recipe book for fresh meal ideas

Blog weekly x fitness and general blog

Hens 'day'

My friend 'crazy Julie' had her hens day today (she is around 6 months pregnant, so a night was never going to be).  We started off at St. Beads, where we got to make beaded jewellery.  I made two bracelets for my nieces (and I wish I had taken photos as I quite liked them).  It was a tonne of fun, but a wee bit expensive (well what I made was, didn't have to be) so I had to stop myself after making the two, as I was about to go on and make myself something it was so much fun.  We then went for lunch at an old fashioned tea rooms.  Wasn't overly impressed - I had water, jug no glass so I poured it into my tea cup ('clean' - I don't drink tea or coffee) and it had nice dust floaties in it, my scone with jam and cream was $5.50 (wasn't that big, but very tasty).  After lunch we went to Bluewater Hotel and played mini-golf, which was a lot of fun (I was terrible, but it was still fun).  

I decided to come home after mini-golf.  The girls were just going for a drink, and since I am trying to quit soft drinks, and I don't drink alcohol, I didn't see the point.  So I came home, via Scotts Berry Farm, whereby I drove home while consuming a rather large punnet of strawberries - much better for me than McD's I figured, so all good!

Of course, since I had made the girls something I then had to go and buy C something, so he didn't miss out.  I bought him a book that had slide windows in it, which he currently loves, and it went down a treat.  He loved getting more presents a few days after Christmas.

Tonight I went around to my sisters, after tea at Mum and Dads, to give them all their Christmas pressies, and T's birthday pressie.  I felt a bit stink as sis had a friend with her two kids there, and I didn't have gifts for them, but I let them open the ones for sis and partner, so that worked out ok.  I didn't stay long as I am in a bit of a confrontational, opinionated mood and I didn't want to ruin their day by being a nag.  And speaking of being opinionated ...

I wrote a very long email to a 'farmer hater' today.  You can read it here at The Joys Of Farming.  I can be a little 'aggressive' so I ran it by my slightly cooler headed mother first.  She seemed to think it was ok.  I thought of a couple of changes I could have made after I sent it, but a bit late now.  Unfortunately (due to the out of office reply I got) it only goes to the manager, so I hope it gets passed on, once they get back to work, on the 9th of January (farmers should be so lucky to get such a decent break!)  It will be interesting if I get a response, and the kind of response I get.  I believe that, while I made it fairly clear I thought David Trubridge was a hypocrite and highly insulting, I was also polite.

Almost bedtime, but while I am still up - I am glad they have arrested someone over the brutal bashing of a 5 year old tourist in a holiday park here in NZ.  Saddened that he is only 16, but he obviously has some serious issues!  You can read that article here

I need to learn to focus

I was thinking today, about how I am currently involved in another obsession, and how it makes me fantasize about what I could be doing.  I googled a girl who was in my sisters class at school, who prepares thoroughbred yearlings for the sales, and she is now doing it very successfully, because I thought that that would be something I would like to get involved in.  Correction - I thought that that would be something ELSE I would like to get involved in.  And I realised, while walking the dog this evening, that I could and should have been successful at something BUT for the fact I flip flop from one idea to the next, I never, ever fully commit myself to anything, and once I am bored with the latest thing, I begin on another.

The trouble is I have been like this for as long as I can remember, except when a child.  When I was a child I was soley focused on all things horses.  I read horse books.  I rode horses.  I had horse pictures and ornaments.  And when I think back now, I really don't know why I gave it up.  Maybe I grew out of it.  Maybe my friends became more important than my horse.  Maybe, because my parents told me I could not have a job when I left school with horses, as I would never make any money,  I just no longer saw the point.  After the horse obsession came the photography obsession.  I took rolls and rolls and rolls of film.  I had my own darkroom set-up.  I spent hours upon hours in darkrooms, including my lunch hours at school.  And why did I not pursue this?  Too scared of failure.  Money.  And again my parents did not allow me to study photography at Elam school of Arts (Mum said it was dodgy).

So what has happened since I left school.  I went to University and studied psychology, then changed to biology, then back to psychology.  Then I left and mucked around for too long.  Then I finally went to polytechnic and studied photography for 6 months.  I struggled financially for the 6 months so did not bother to apply for the year course that followed.  I then worked in photo labs for a while.  Then I did a conservation course, and then went back to University and studied Science, with a major in Conservation and Ecology (I finally got my bachelors).  I then worked for Dept. of Conservation, Ruapehu Alpine Lifts, Buddle Findlay Law Firm, Ministry of Agriculture and Forestry, a couple of information centres, Fonterra, and now I am self employed.

During this time I also lived in the Waikato, Wellington, back to Waikato, Queenstown, back to Waikato, Hawke's Bay, Canterbury, Hawke's Bay, Central Plateau, Auckland, Hawke's Bay, and now Taranaki.  I actually do love moving around, but it does mean that I have no super close friends.

I actually think my lifestyle might stem from being unhappy, well actually not unhappy just permanently un-content - I always think something else is better.  I keep thinking, if I do THIS I will finally be content.  And I do it, but I get bored and it's not how I pictured it so I think, if I do THAT I will finally be content.  And I think, if I do that I am so going to do this and this and this and be this person that I really want to be.  And I never am.  I end up being a lazy ass and not applying myself and coasting along and not being as good as I could be.

And so my latest obsession is horse racing.  And so I fantasize about either owning a racehorse or breeding for sales, or preparing other peoples for sales, or owning a stallion and having stud fees.  And I have been watching the racing channel, and listening to the races, and betting on the races (very small amounts, but that adds up when you are doing it obsessively!)  But when I think about it, I also want to be a successful dairy farmer, and expand that business, and possibly breed top rate cows.  And then I want my photography business to expand.  Not to mention children ….. I just sometimes wish my mind would slow down!

Ack, I just think I need to write a(nother) list, and try and get my priorities sorted, and then each time I get sidetracked (and I get seriously sidetracked to the point nothing else gets done, like at the moment, nothing gets done as I am too busy watching racehorses and googling horse studs and trainers and trying to see if there are any jobs out there) …. ooops SEE, each time I get sidetracked I should go and read my list and refocus myself and remember what my goals are.

I shall get onto it now!