Today is my 39th birthday, and DID I WAKE UP GRUMPY, well YES I DID. I have been in such a shocking frame of mind lately, woe is me, poor me, my life sucks, TJL doesn't treat me like he should, I'm so FAT but I LOVE food and 'hate' exercise, and on, and on, and on I whine. No wonder TJL doesn't want to converse with me, its always all about me, and its always BAD. There are no laughs. There is no happy, positive conversation. There is no talking without some form of attitude - sullen, sulky, pathetic. And its ALL TJL's fault, isn't it?
WHAT HAVE I BEEN THINKING?
And so today I woke up grumpy and down and decided to jump straight onto the internet to read some blogs and email, and what do you know, God decided to smack me on the head big time. One of the first emails I read was a post from Gather Inspirit about PUTTING GOD FIRST! Finally it clicked. I have spent my entire life putting myself first, MY ENTIRE LIFE! I do remember my father telling me, quite frequently I might add, that it is not always about number 1, there were other people to think about too. But for me it just never has been. Oh sure I have donated, and gifted, and been kind, but I am ashamed to admit that more often than not it was about ME, hey look at ME, look how kind and giving and generous I am. And I was born this way, I swear. My father has many times told the story of when I was a baby waking up from naps, there was never a stirring, never a gurgle, never a 'warning sign' it was just a full on scream of MEEEEEEEEEEEE! He sat and watched me once and he said my mouth opened before my eyes and launched into a full on scream. Does this excuse my current behaviour - absolutely NOT, but is it a part of my nature, I believe so.
And now, today, putting God first for me means that I have to think how my behaviour is a reflection of him. Does my behaviour inspire other people to turn towards Christianity or does it turn them from it? Does my behaviour inspire TJL towards Christianity and Jesus or turn him from them? If I am embarking on this road of religious discovery then I need to fully immerse myself. I need to stop and think, 'How is my current reaction to this situation reflecting on God?' 'Is my reaction peaceful and loving or is it a negative reaction stemming from the fact I am not getting what I want?' It will no longer be about my wants and my needs, but Putting God First! Will this be a struggle and a battle for me? Most definitely, but I shall pray each day that God gives me the strength and wisdom to put him first.
Other blogs that helped me out today were this post from With him all the way and this post from Come have a peace, and on THAT note, a bit about my birthday.
TJL and I went to a cafe in New Plymouth called Chaos. The have the best Caramel Crackle Slice ever, and I am VERY relieved that they had a piece for me today.
The sign, I was too shy to take a photo of the actual Cafe (how weird is that!)
TJL waiting for our lunch to come. He had a burrito and I had a pumpkin, feta and something else tower - mmmmmmmmmm. Not to forget the Phoenix Ginger Beer (for him) the Phoenix Cola (for me) and the TWO pieces of Caramel Crackle Slice - should have taken a piccie of the food.
My birthday pressie from TJL. Each time I remember I am wearing it I will remember that God is First.
We then went to Govett Brewster Art Gallery, which had a fairly good exhibition on, I quite enjoyed it, and I don't think TJL minded it too much. We then came homeward bound and TJL's Mum, Dad and niece Grace popped in for a cuppa before TJL had to go down to milk. When TJL's Mum phoned initially saying that they wanted to pop in my instant reaction was I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYONE, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE, but I managed to calm myself down, put God first, and be thankful that TJL's family WANT to come and celebrate my birthday with me.
Other gifts today included a plant with gorgeous wee flowers (don't know what it is called), two gift cards, and a lotto (up to $24 Million) ticket. I have promised God that if I win said lotto I will definitely be making some HUGE donations :-)
The end ... lol