"Worrying about tomorrow means that you are missing some of today" Corey Allan of Simple Marriage

Monday, July 18, 2011


Woke up at 4am, and felt sick.  But at that time of the morning you never really know, ah?!  So when I woke back up at the correct time of 4.45am I wasn't as bad, so thought I might get better the later it got.  I took a neurofen in the hopes I would feel better and headed off to work.  Didn't work!  I ended up leaving at 7.45am to get back home.  I feel bad as I have let my manager down due to the fact I was supposed to be interviewing today, but there was no way I could interview anyone, my mind just wasn't there - thumping headache and nausea.

Thus I have spent the day on the couch, watching bad TV and falling asleep.  Unfortunately TJL's mother decided to arrive with two of our nieces, which wasn't perfect timing and I was a  TERRIBLE  host.  I don't like being caught out by surprise, and my instant reaction is to be angry.  Thus I 'apologised' and said that I was sick before they even got out of the car!  AWESOME  WELCOME  MJJ!  So they came in and TJL hosted them while I sat on the couch feeling sorry for myself that my day of 'relaxation' on the couch had been interrupted.  And then, as I sat on the couch, I realised what an idiot I was being, but then it was too late to pop up and decide that I wasn't as sick as I was making out.  ARGHHHHH!  Why do I do this?  It is almost like a panic reaction when things aren't going as I 'planned'.  Part of it is that the house is in a constant state of mess, and I am embarrassed.  Part of it is that I am quite a loner, and I struggle with working with people for 12 hours, and then dealing with people on my days off, and I just never, ever get any real alone time, and by alone time I mean a few days to a week all. by. myself!  I hope that my outlook changes when I get to quit my job in a few months time and become a farmers wife.  Hopefully, as I won't be surrounded by people, I will begin to want more human contact and be more open to visitors.  It is definitely an area I need to work on.  Definitely one of my biggest failings.

I am such a terrible sinner, I am so glad that God gives us such grace, I definitely need more than my fair share!

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