Woke up at 4am, and felt sick. But at that time of the morning you never really know, ah?! So when I woke back up at the correct time of 4.45am I wasn't as bad, so thought I might get better the later it got. I took a neurofen in the hopes I would feel better and headed off to work. Didn't work! I ended up leaving at 7.45am to get back home. I feel bad as I have let my manager down due to the fact I was supposed to be interviewing today, but there was no way I could interview anyone, my mind just wasn't there - thumping headache and nausea.
Thus I have spent the day on the couch, watching bad TV and falling asleep. Unfortunately TJL's mother decided to arrive with two of our nieces, which wasn't perfect timing and I was a TERRIBLE host. I don't like being caught out by surprise, and my instant reaction is to be angry. Thus I 'apologised' and said that I was sick before they even got out of the car! AWESOME WELCOME MJJ! So they came in and TJL hosted them while I sat on the couch feeling sorry for myself that my day of 'relaxation' on the couch had been interrupted. And then, as I sat on the couch, I realised what an idiot I was being, but then it was too late to pop up and decide that I wasn't as sick as I was making out. ARGHHHHH! Why do I do this? It is almost like a panic reaction when things aren't going as I 'planned'. Part of it is that the house is in a constant state of mess, and I am embarrassed. Part of it is that I am quite a loner, and I struggle with working with people for 12 hours, and then dealing with people on my days off, and I just never, ever get any real alone time, and by alone time I mean a few days to a week all. by. myself! I hope that my outlook changes when I get to quit my job in a few months time and become a farmers wife. Hopefully, as I won't be surrounded by people, I will begin to want more human contact and be more open to visitors. It is definitely an area I need to work on. Definitely one of my biggest failings.
I am such a terrible sinner, I am so glad that God gives us such grace, I definitely need more than my fair share!