UGH!!

Woke up at 4am, and felt sick.  But at that time of the morning you never really know, ah?!  So when I woke back up at the correct time of 4.45am I wasn't as bad, so thought I might get better the later it got.  I took a neurofen in the hopes I would feel better and headed off to work.  Didn't work!  I ended up leaving at 7.45am to get back home.  I feel bad as I have let my manager down due to the fact I was supposed to be interviewing today, but there was no way I could interview anyone, my mind just wasn't there - thumping headache and nausea.

Thus I have spent the day on the couch, watching bad TV and falling asleep.  Unfortunately TJL's mother decided to arrive with two of our nieces, which wasn't perfect timing and I was a  TERRIBLE  host.  I don't like being caught out by surprise, and my instant reaction is to be angry.  Thus I 'apologised' and said that I was sick before they even got out of the car!  AWESOME  WELCOME  MJJ!  So they came in and TJL hosted them while I sat on the couch feeling sorry for myself that my day of 'relaxation' on the couch had been interrupted.  And then, as I sat on the couch, I realised what an idiot I was being, but then it was too late to pop up and decide that I wasn't as sick as I was making out.  ARGHHHHH!  Why do I do this?  It is almost like a panic reaction when things aren't going as I 'planned'.  Part of it is that the house is in a constant state of mess, and I am embarrassed.  Part of it is that I am quite a loner, and I struggle with working with people for 12 hours, and then dealing with people on my days off, and I just never, ever get any real alone time, and by alone time I mean a few days to a week all. by. myself!  I hope that my outlook changes when I get to quit my job in a few months time and become a farmers wife.  Hopefully, as I won't be surrounded by people, I will begin to want more human contact and be more open to visitors.  It is definitely an area I need to work on.  Definitely one of my biggest failings.

I am such a terrible sinner, I am so glad that God gives us such grace, I definitely need more than my fair share!