Why do I want children?

I feel the need to write this as, at the age of 38 and 11/12ths (ie 39 next month), my chances of actually HAVING any children feels like its getting to be more and more remote. Sure, EVERYONE has a story about a woman they know, who had their first child when they were OLDER than me, but still, sometimes, I really begin to wonder if TJL and I will ever conceive.

And so I thought I would write down my reasons for WHY I really want children, beyond the maternal desire, of which I can do NOTHING about, in the hopes I can start to LIVE my life TODAY, rather than getting through each day, waiting for the future when I am a Mum and my life can begin (how crazy am I?). I guess I am looking for a way I can feel COMPLETE without having children.

WHY DO I WANT CHILDREN?

To give the holidays meaning, and so I can have big family holiday gatherings when I am older.

To give life ‘meaning’.

To give a reason for play, to watch the Wiggles, and Thomas, and hang at the park.

To go places.

To have family holidays.

To have subjects to photograph and scrapbook.

To fill my heart.

To give me an excuse to be mushy.

So I have kids who are mine, ones I don’t have to give back, and can raise MY way.

To buy cute clothes.

To buy fun toys.

To throw birthday parties.

To watch them play sport, or dance, or sing, or act, or whatever they choose to do.

To teach and encourage and help grow.

To take care of.

To love.

To guide along their journey.

To feel like I belong, am the ‘same’ as everyone else, not left out of the ‘my child did this’ conversations

BENEFITS TO BEING CHILD FREE

We can pack up and go anywhere, anytime we want

We do not have to find babysitters when we decide we want to go out

We have double income, and less expenses

We don’t have to deal with tantrums, and illnesses.

We don’t have to worry about outside influences, and what to protect, or not protect, our children from

No one is judging our parenting skills

WHAT I CAN START DOING TO LIVE EVERY DAY

Play with, and train Stella, to do agility on my days off

Tramp and explore the Taranaki region, weekly

Go for drives, to explore and photograph the region, weekly

Go out for dinner once a month

Go out for lunch once a fortnight

Take Stella to beach once a fortnight

Decorate and style the house

Decorate and style myself

Design and plant my garden

Scrapbook photos of TJL and me (just because we do not have children doesn’t mean that we are not doing stuff worthy of documenting)

Organise a decent calendar so we remember important dates

Try and be brave and invite other people to socialise with