Unwanted visitor

So, I'm not pregnant THIS month.  Yes, got the dreaded 'Aunt Flo' visitor yesterday.  I kind of expected her, hoped that she wouldn't come but, well, yes she has - with her usual vengence I might add (bah, the older I get the heavier she gets - TMI?  Sorry).  So TJL is 'saving his strength' for another 'attempt' in the upcoming week(s) when we try, yet again.  I do have two appreciations for her visit:-

1.  It means that my trip to Wellington, with some girls from work next week, will be trouble and worry free
2.  It means that I am still young enough (I trust) to eventually conceive

And thus we resume the 'effort', and then the wait and hope, for yet another month.  At least come November 5th (Guy Fawkes no less) I do have an appointment with a gynecologist, so we might begin to make some inroads to our problem, whatever that may be.

When we first began this journey I read that the average time it takes to conceive was 1 year (which I thought was a ridiculously long time), and longer for people over 30 (yep, thats definitely me - lets try for 39 in less than 2 weeks), and now its been close, very close, to two years, and still no joy.  Is it weird that I can no longer even picture myself pregnant?  That kind of scares me, as though its a sign that it will never happen.  I think I need to go somewhere quiet (like the bathtub) and just get away from the world for a while, and imagine.  Imagine being pregnant, imagine a life with children, just to relax and just be still.

*sigh*

And my nose is blocked.

*GRUMP*

I'm off to have a bath!