"Worrying about tomorrow means that you are missing some of today" Corey Allan of Simple Marriage

Friday, December 10, 2010

Should I stay or should I go ...

Who would have thought I would write a post like this?  I mean I am talking about the man I have been trying to have a baby with.  But I'm thinking that maybe its just too hard.  Its just not worth it.  I'm just not happy.

I had to have one of my horses put down.  While I am not devastated as such, I am pretty upset.  I feel fine, and then have a cry, we all know how it goes.  My horses, well horse now, live with my parents 3.5 hours away.  Trent did do the obligatory how are you texts, but he didn't actually phone.  And now I am home, and other than a brief, how are you? question, there has been nothing.  Well actually something.  He laughed at me when I was having a cry about her.  Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with a man who has so little compassion?

Obviously I am upset so won't be making any hasty decisions, I'm pretty strung out and have to go back to work and face people again.  My stress levels are at the extreme to say the least.  I don't even know if I will tell anyone about Channelle being put down.  I just feel low, bordering on depression.  It sure would help if my partner in life (or maybe just for the next month) was a lot more supportive.

Of course I am asking God a lot of questions, and leaving it up to him to help me decide, but at the moment I just feel numb.

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