What is my problem?

Man sometimes, actually most times, I am my own worst enemy.

My folks just popped in, and gave me a hell of a fright. At which point I became the most ungracious host. Why the hell do I do that? They ended up staying under a minute! For goodness sake, I can be such a loser.

Part of it is due to the fact that I am not proud of my house, at all. The garden is overgrown, the place is a mess, I am just permanently embarrassed! Obviously not embarrassed enough to do something about it. Oh sure I make half hearted attempts. I often use the excuses that I work hard during the week, I need a bit of couch 'time out', I'm tired, I don't feel so well, I'll do it tomorrow, you know the ones. I have made a bit of headway today, tidied the dining table and kitchen bench, sorted out my personal papers and burning the ones that are extremely old, still there is plenty more to do.

Another part of it is that I am not so keen on surprises, I liked things to be planned, I'm really not a spontaneous person, and when things take me by surprise I get defensive and just plain rude! Why is that? I need to loosen up, thats for sure. The messy house does not help as I am just plain embarrassed by it, and my appearance too.

Anyway I have baked some Anzac biscuits to take to my parents as a peace offering, with a healthy serving of 'I'm sorry for being such a jerk' pie.