Losing weight, AGAIN

So I am once again on the weighloss trail.  *sigh*  How many times do I beat on this drum?

Anyway, I have begun a new blog, Losing it with MJ as the programme I am attempting to follow is Losing it with April, a celeb and TV presenter here in NZ, who currently weighs in at around 100kg.  That was HER wake-up call, mine is the 90kg mark.  Damn disgusting!

What I like about the programme

1.  Its FREE to follow along!
2.  The food is NORMAL!
3.  The exercises can all be done at HOME!

Nothing fancy, nothing schmancy.

I have had a couple of other wakeup calls, not just the figure on the scale.

1.  I wasn't in the mood to play with my friends young children, I was shy, reserved, and self conscious about my appearance.
2.  Despite what I 'see' in the mirror (akin to being the opposite of an anorexic, ie I see 'NORMAL') photos actually show me that I am 'HUGE'.  People, who I see and think that they are big, I AM BIGGER THAN THEM!  C'MON!)
3.  My appearance is terrible.  In photos I look like the people who I have judged all my life as being fat, ugly, lazy, and stupid.  The kind of people you think, 'How could you let yourself get like that?  Get a haircut.  Get some decent clothes.  Lose some weight.  Get some dang pride!'

Thats me at the moment, and I HATE this.  I have zero confidence, and when I am feeling ok, I see a photo of myself and hate myself all over again.  I think I need to keep the photo image of myself in my head, as that sure as heck puts me off eating TOO much rubbish.

I really hope and pray that I can make it work this time.