"Worrying about tomorrow means that you are missing some of today" Corey Allan of Simple Marriage

Friday, September 07, 2012

IVF #2 - BFN

IVF #2 is all over Rover, with a BFN.

I knew it was coming.  Period definitely felt like coming Wednesday, and it started Wednesday night, with full flow yesterday (Thursday), and the confirmation blood test today (Friday).

Exactly the same as IVF #1.

I think that the nurse was a bit surprised with my reaction when she phoned.  I was bubbly and bright, and just asked about the frozens.

Then I went to feed the calves and burst into tears.  And had a wee temper tantrum.  Poor TJL!

My body is a stubborn mule and it needs a kick up the waatoosie. With that said, my body is old and stuck in its ways, and aside from this whole infertility bull poop it actually functions pretty darn well, aside from my allergies of course, so I am actually grateful for this old body of mine.

There have been a few tears.  A few screams.  A few 'it's not fair's.  But I am not devastated.  Life as we know it continues.  I am happy to have gotten this far.  I am thankful to live in a time where we actually had the opportunity to even try.

So where to from here for TLJ and myself?

Well, we have two frozen blastocysts (I think that is what they are).  In a couple of months, once my body has re-regulated itself, we shall pray that they unfreeze well and get to transfer them.

And then I will pray that my body does the right thing and nurtures them and nourishes them and implants them, and we get a baby or two.

If this fails we will then discuss our final two options.

Home For Life/Adoption
In preparation for this I will actually get my behind into gear and get our profile done and to the CYF's office.  I am not sure if we will have to re-do the course or not.  If we have to re-do it this option may be out as TJL survived the course once, but I don't know if he can survive it twice.
I will also re-read all of the resources I have regarding coping with foster/adopted children, and how to deal with their associated 'issues'.

Living childless
In preparation for this I will get my behind into gear and get our plans and dreams of living childless down on paper.  What we plan to do.  Where we plan to go.
And we will get another dog.  And maybe a couple of cats.
And I might look into traveling to orphanages overseas (although TJL worries that I will either come home wanting to bring all of them with me, or I will never come home).


E and R said...

Oh I am so sorry this cycle didn't work. Thinking of you.

Pjjam said...

I'm so sorry it has been this way for you. Love your overall attitude. Thinking of you.

babycrazykiwi said...

Oh I'm sorry. Not sure what else to say apart from thinking of you. Being a fellow kiwi I'm interested to see how the adoption process goes for you if you choose that path (although I really hope next time works!).