Biting my tongue

Please do not judge me based on this post.  I am not ALWAYS like the following.  I'm just going through a phase right now.  I am mostly a nice person (I hope!)

I have a truly wicked tongue.  I really do.  My tongue blurts out all of my negative inner thinking about people.  People I know, family, friends, people I drive past, total strangers.

Gossip.  I despise it, yet I do it.

I am nasty and judgemental.  

I usually think that it's not hurting anyone.  I mean, I usually only tell TJL.  I am not spreading it far and wide.

But I am hurting one person, and that person would be me.

I think it stems from my own insecurities.  

Doesn't make it right, no sir-ee, but it is what it is.  

Trying to build oneself up by tearing down others.

It never works you know, it just makes you feel worse about yourself.

Truth be told I have been known to call myself out on it before - saying something about someone, and then having to admit that 'who am I to judge when I have similar, well ok worse, negative traits'.

Then the other day I read a blog post (I have tried to track it down, but failed miserably) about the wickedness of our tongues, and basically how one should think before one speaks.  There was a bible verse as well, but being very new to the gospel, I have no idea which one that was either.

Sorry.

So, over the last two days I have tried really, really hard to SHUT UP!  And I am doing ok at it, having the odd slip up of course, but I am surprised at how often I have negative thoughts about people.  

None of which is any of my business.  Most of which I have no back story for.  Most of which I have no real facts about.  Most of whom I don't even know.  Most are people that I see in the media.

And I judge them?!

Seriously?!

Like it is my place to do so?!

But, and who doesn't like a but when it's in their favour?

 I am getting better.  

Each time such a thought enters my head I bite my tongue and think to myself -

 It is none of my business, 

It does not affect me, so

Why do I care?

And the usual answer is

JEALOUSY

Plain and simple.

All it is, is that I wish I had their clothes, their vacation, their car, their family, their confidence, their friends, their social life.

Not in a 'be them' kind of way, I just want what they have for myself.

Or I think that they should be living a life that I approve of, because, you know, I am just so perfect!

But I am not perfect, I am so sinful.

And so I am hoping that, with Gods help, I can begin to change my thinking around so that I am more concerned with what it is I am up to, and less concerned about comparing myself with what others are up to.  And if I perceive that someone has something that I want, and I consider them to be undeserving of that thing, then I need to release that to God as, lets face it, it is not MY judgement to make as to who deserves what.

And I need to keep my mouth shut and my tongue still about it.  

If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.

I will become a much nicer person because of it.

I will like MYSELF much more because of it.

As per usual, God directed me towards a teaching just when I was in need of it.  

His ways are not always so mysterious