A question answered

So one of my biggest questions regarding religion was 'if God does exist, and he is a loving, kind and just God, then WHY DO SO MANY INNOCENT CHILDREN (AND ANIMALS) GET HURT BY THEIR OWN FAMILIES? Unfortunately I live in a country where, in the last few years, our news has been dominated by children being beaten, generally at the hands of a family member, beaten so often that they eventually end up dead (and these are children under 5). And, although a story such as this has not hit the HEADLINES for some time, recent accounts in newspapers tell of similar tales, such as the mother who gave her 7 children marajuana, because it made them sleep, and now they wouldn't be quiet without it! WHAT?! And this of course then begged the question - how come 'these people' can have lots and lots of children (we have an awesome welfare system), and TJL and I (who are 'good people') are struggling to get pregnant? And then lately there have been untold news stories involving animal cruelty, which I also despise, so don't get me started ... lol

ANYHOW, (long story LONG ... lol), the answer to my question came to me this morning - Perhaps God is 'allowing' these things to occur so WE can finally realise how much we NEED HIM and his FORGIVENESS. And, obviously, we are NOT GETTING IT. I mean, how blunt does He need to be? CHILDREN ARE BEING BEATEN TO DEATH HERE! We have been living the 'free' life. The life we THINK we want. We don't have to commit to anyone. We don't have to answer to anyone. We can just do whatever it is we want to. And look where it's got us! No one cares about anyone any longer. It is NEVER our fault - my upbringing was rough, my father left my mother for another woman, when I was 7 my cat murdered a mouse and now I'm a serial killer. I mean, seriously, there are just no consequences for our actions anymore, we always blame everyone else. We never stand up and say 'I am to blame, I am human, please forgive me!'

We believe that our life is in our hands, and it's not. God knows his plan for us, and when so many people choose not to follow that path, the result is what we have today - a selfish, rude, uneducated, violent, blaming society. We need God. I need God. I really hope, and pray, that more and more people start to wake up to the fact we need to beg for his forgiveness. Because we have denied Gods existence for so long, and we have stopped asking for forgiveness for our sins, we, as a society, are now reaping the rewards of this denial, and I DON'T LIKE IT.

And so, the more I open my mind and life to God, the more my questions are being answered. And I think that this is just awesome! I feel truly blessed that God has come into my life. Sure, I have a whole lot to learn, but it is going to be a fabulous journey!

My Bible has arrived - did I post that already?

*Disclaimer* I am extremely new to religion, and the Bible, so please excuse my, no doubt many, faux pas. If you are well versed in these matters please feel free to 'educate' me, in the nicest possible way

Anyway, my first Bible arrived yesterday. It is a version that 'should' read so people of today can understand it. I think that this is a good thing, considering it is my first one. I am not too sure how one should read it, so I am reading it from the beginning. So far its tough. I have a science brain, and so, well, I need MORE background information. There just isn't enough DEPTH for me, YET! I read some things and say 'but WHY?' or 'I DISAGREE' and then I ponder it, and say, 'Well actually ...' and I can, hmmmmm, believe it? I am not sure that this is the phrase I want to use, perhaps I can understand how 'it' works, ('it' being the laws of the bible). Boy oh boy, do I have a LONG way to go! But, thankfully to all the bloggers I can access, (and read practically daily), I have help and assistance with insights, and meanings, and encouragement, to further my study and teachings.

To break up the monotony of my post, I did a bit of shopping today - candles, a file system to note down happenings of significance during the years (thanks for the idea fellow blogger - steadymom), a surf t.shirt and card for Dad, for fathers day. Totally forgot to buy a whiteboard pen, AGAIN!

The other thing I had a think about today was letting the man lead in the family (well, in our case lead me, since we have not been blessed with children as yet). And I thought that in this day and age most men don't know HOW to lead, or are to afraid to, incase they make a mistake, and get blamed, yelled at, abused. So I have decided that my job is to encourage my partner to lead, to build up his confidence and self esteem so he is confident in taking a leadership role. I guess that this is another symptom of the decline of religion in our society. There are no longer defined roles that we each learn and know how to 'play', this leads to 'confusion' and then 'conflict' (lets be realistic, in times of difference one person really does need to submit to prevent constant conflict). I really think that a lot of us out there are 'running around in a state of confusion' because we really do not have any solid ground upon which to stand, no societal rules that apply - except for the big ones like 'murder'. I am hoping that if I can learn to submit (not at all in my nature, or the way I was raised), and I can learn to build TJL up, then we can live a fairly happy and harmonious life - I'm not a fool, I know we won't be perfect, but hopefully this will enable us to survive times of turmoil and to live in the moment during times of joy.

Before and after

I had an eye combo today (brows tinted and waxed, eyelashes tinted). I attempted to take a before and after photo. So this top photo is the before. Yes, I should NOT pull my hair back so severely, but, well, no excuses, its what I do, and a very hard HABIT to break. I'm working on it (and I'm working on the double chin AND the potatoes in the background - put them away Micha!)

The after photo. I think there is a bit of difference, it is very noticeable in the real world. I really dig how I have an artwork (Bali sarong thing) hanging in the background, and all you can see is a 'butt'. Potatoes in the first shot, butt in the second. Gee I am a talent at self portraiture.

Babysitting

TJL's Mum has gone out of town to a wedding, so we are looking after his little brother, George.

Now this guy is spoiled rotten. He SCREAMS bloody murder, THROWS his food on the floor, RIPS the wallpaper, and has been known to BITE. On his last visit he got into my highlighters and cracked ALL of the casings, and then pulled the ink spongey thing out from inside. To say he is destructive is an understatement! He should not be left alone for a second.

He is so fussy with his food, that if you give him a carrot he bites and SPITS OUT the 'outside' part of the carrot, and eats the sweet, juicy inside part only.

If he is not screaming, (or barking like a dog), he is asking 'what you doing?'

Don't let his cute, innocent looks fool you. This guy will probably outlive us all!

Hi, I'm George, and my favourite 'trick' is to ring like a telephone REALLY REALLY loudly

'See how cute I am, is it any wonder I am soooooo naughty'

So aside from ringing like a telephone, screaming, and barking like a dog, George can say 'what you doing?', 'Goodnight my darling', 'hello Georgie' and 'naughty boy' (he got THAT one right!)

They apparently live to about 90, and I think he might be OUR inheritance - May TJL's mother live a full and healthy life!

Photographing around town

I spent a couple of hours taking a few photographs around our little town yesterday (population 2100). And we are rural from the town, so as you can imagine, its quite a dinky wee place. It does have a lot of lovely old buildings though.

This is the historical society building (TJL tells me it used to be the Westpac Bank)

This lovely old building does have a 'museum' on the first floor, on the road frontage. I was surprised to see that all of the windows along the side were totally gone. The sign says that there used to be a pool hall in the bottom. TJL thinks it used to be a sewing factory in its hey day.

The town hall - front

The town hall - behind the facade (corrigated iron)

The old BNZ bank, now a second hand shop

The former Post and Telegraph Office - now a persons residence

The Police Station - perhaps it always was - we don't know

Mural - sorry it's a bit dark and I need to reshoot

Other part of mural

Mt Taranaki (or Mt Egmont). Taranaki is famous for two things - dairy cows, and this mountain

Jealousy is an ugly thing

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I had a bit of an Godly moment yesterday. I have been struggling at work, with all the negativity, and getting drawn into conversations that fuel the negativity, and I had a realisation that I, myself, am negative mostly through jealously. How I had this realisation is that an email from one of the factories came through thanking 6 girls from the lab for all of their contribution in some extra testing that has been done. I was not one of them and my INSTANT reaction was 'well thats not fair, I don't know HOW to do that test, IF I knew how to do that test then I would have helped do the testing, and then I, too, would have this big thank you that went lab wide'. So of course I deleted the email (didn't thank me, I don't want to keep it) and sat and stewed it over for a minute or so, with my thoughts (thank you Satan) saying, well it's not like some of these girls are as INTELLIGENT as me, and not all of them work as HARD as me, life is SO UNFAIR! And then, BANG, it hit me, as I was telling Satan to GO AWAY, God said 'you are bitter and mean about these girls because you are JEALOUS! (and selfish too when I think about it). I have this very weird attitude that if I am not being thanked then NO-ONE should get thanked, they are overshadowing me. Well that is just plain BUNKIM. Gees, I think this girl (ie me, a very very old girl ... lol) needs to GROW UP! Who are they overshadowing me in front of, certainly not God, he sees and knows all. And EVERYONE deserves to be recognised for the hard work that they do, not just me. So I think that this little experience has been a bit of an eyeopener for me. Plus seeing how pleased some of them were at receiving this recognition, after I swallowed my pride and showed them the email (as they had not gotten to their computers yet), seemed to make most of my jealousy disappear. I won't be fixed 'overnight' but I am glad that I am starting to recognise where some of my negative behaviours are rooted, and its nice to know that when I send Satan away from my thoughts, God is quick to fill in the 'gap'

I still do not know how to distance myself from the negative conversations. I TRY to distance myself, and to participate and create 'fun' conversations, but there are some ladies who do 'whisper' and sometimes they 'whisper' to me. I do not want to become further isolated from my work colleagues, as I already feel a bit on the outside having not grown up in the area. However, I actually do not have an interest in who has been cheated on/broken up/got into a fight/etc, but the less I listen to these conversations, the further isolated I feel as I have no idea as to what is going on. BUT, now I think about it, the majority of the ladies who participate in these conversations may think of THEMSELVES as the 'cool kids' (bearing in mind the average age of them would be around 40), I am not actually too worried whether they LIKE me or not, it's not like I am particularly fond of their behaviour and WANT to socialise with them (just have to because of work). So, if I put their little 'click' aside then there is still another selection of ladies who I do like, and can socialise with, and perhaps my energy is better spent on forming 'bonds' with them, rather than 'cringing' at, and 'sighing' at, and 'wishing they were different' at the 'cool kids'. I also have to loosen up and stop thinking that if 'such and such was worthy of my friendship then they wouldn't want to talk to so-and-so, I mean, if they like me then how could they possibly like them? Wouldn't they MUCH rather sit with ME and talk to ME than THEM (see how like a child I am!) Well hasn't this been an eyeopener! I am VERY self centred, and VERY judgemental, and VERY dictatory (if there is such a word). I tend to be a bit of an unhappy and grumpy person, and that is all down to ME and how I INTERPRET the world.

Goodness God, haven't you got me thinking A LOT about MY behaviour rather than other peoples behaviour. Lesson learned, not to say I won't need to learn it again, and again, I just hope I am a bit quicker to learn, and slower to judge in the future. It should save myself a lot of unnecessary heartache.

2 weeks down

Well I am two weeks into my BFL programme, and I have lost 1kg! Yay for me. I must admit I am not overly struggling with it. Sure I get home from work, and I don't want to work out, but I do it, and at the most it only takes me 45 minutes, so really, its just sweet as. The food is not much of a problem. I am eating heaps of fruit, 2 kiwifruit, 1 orange, and grapes each day. When I look at it that way it doesn't look that much, but compared to my usual average of 0 each day, then its not so bad. I have probably simplified the diet somewhat (ie lunch and dinner involve 1 fist size of vege, 1 fist size of carbs, 1 palm size of meat), but I am not trying to be a 'champion', and if it is working so far, its working! Hooray! Heres hoping I keep it up! I am past my 2 week 'fall off the wagon' stage (just).

Not much else is happening - just work, home, sleep.

I tried really, really hard to control my mouth today. Epic Fail! Of course I got roped into a couple of conversations at work today, but went 'arghhhh' at myself afterwards. Will try again tomorrow, with God's assistance of course. I was saying 'Go Away Satan' whenever a nasty thought crossed my mind, but, as I said earlier, he did get in there a couple of times. I even switched off my car stereo today so I could open my mind to God. I need to practice this far more often.

I sure hope my bible arrives soon, I feel like I am floundering with this whole 'discover religion' thing.

Arhhhhh ... home alone

TJ has gone out to the rugby tonight, with Honk and his kids. I guess I could have gone, I think TJ invited me, but I was just a bit too busy getting his dinner ready early, getting the washing in, feeding the chickens (sick chicken appears to be feeling a lot better. I think TJ will have to let them out around lunch-time everyday as she may be getting picked on), doing the dishes, feeding the dog, and down-loading Lightroom 3.0 .... wonder if I forgot anything ...

Paid first installment for website today. Was in a bit of a panic as to whether I would have the full amount in time for the final payment - but way hey hey, the bank 'invited me' to increase the limit of my credit card so I did. Now I KNOW that this is not the best solution BUT it is only incase I don't have the funds to pay for the site fully when required, and once it is paid I will pay the credit card off, AND re-lower my limit. Exciting times, I must admit.

I also went onto VistaPrint and ordered some more business cards (free), car door magnet (free), pad (free), fridge magnets (50 for $50) and a pen (free). It did cost for having the back of my business cards printed ($7.00) and to upload an additional image ($7.00), and free postage - must have been a couple of extra costs because the total came to $75ish I think. Below is the image I used for my magnets.

Carriage driving at Horse of the Year 2010

I did want to use the following image for some things, but unfortunately I have cropped from a larger picture, and so not of excellent quality for printing, apparently. I do love it though, he is such a dude of a pony.

Shetland Pony - Horse of the Year 2010

Time to get folding up the washing now - joy of joys. And it should be early to bed as it is back to work tomorrow (yep thats right folks, starting work on a 'Saturday' - actually technically I should have started today BUT since I had 3 days where I had to go in for training on my days off I had today off as well).

Arghhhhhhhhh I just remembered I was supposed to head into town today and fill my ute up with diesel. Lucky TJ has a tank of it down at the milking shed, better head down there now and fill up!

Dear Lord, thank you for providing me with a reminder to fill up my ute BEFORE I get into it tomorrow at 5.30am and realise that I did not have enough fuel to get to work. Please help me develop my photography business, and thank you for providing the funds with which to pay for my website. Please continue to bless, protect and guide my self, my family, my friends, and my animals. Amen

Temptation - arghhhhhhhhh

Awesome training day today. We learned about pest control for work (I work in the Dairy industry, and since we manufacture dairy products for human consumption, pest control is of the utmost importance). Tomorrow is day two of the course, where we are learning about pathogens. Anywho, the tutors for the course are so nice, that they provide us with bowls of LOLLIES - now this is week two of Body for Life for me, and I have not only had to survive a Pizza Day at work (where I had two slices, and made it my 'free day), going out for lunch with everyone from work, meeting my web designer at a cafe, and now two days of training where they provide lunch (meat pies, quiches, multiple bread sandwiches) and LOLLIES! So I ate my crackers and cheese (and had one mini, tiny, quiche), ate my banana, and I ate 1, thats ONE, lolly - which was a mistake, as I wanted more, but I didn't have any. Sheesh - talk about testing me Lord! Just need to survive tomorrow, and then hopefully I can get back to normal (well as normal as I can get ... lol). I did complete my exercises when I got home, so I'm still doing well on that front.

Awww, just had a phone call from my Dad and Mum. The little rescue dog that I gave them is doing really well. Plus Dad has been out on my old bike, go DAD! And then Mum had a sad story about a funeral she is going to on Friday. It is her cousin Junes son, who died in exactly the same spot as her cousin June (ie his mother) did a few years ago. June skidded in roadworks, as the roadworks sign had fallen down and so she hit them faster that she should have and skidded in the gravel and hit a tree. Not to sure how her son did it, but mum thinks that it might even be the same tree - all she knows is that he was not wearing his seatbelt. Terrible, sad tale. As many people have said before me, treasure all those around you as you never know what is around the corner.

Dear Lord. Thank you for blessing me this day, with training and further knowledge, with the health of my chicken, with the delicious HEALTHY food that I enjoyed, and for the phonecall from my parents. Please watch over, bless and protect my family, friends and animals. Please bless my fellow bloggers in their dreams, goals and hardships. Amen

Week two of BFL

So week two of Body for Life began on Sunday. I think it is going ok. I hope it is going ok. According to the book I probably won't notice results until week 8, so I just have to hang in there. Hopefully I have my portion sizes under control. I have not eaten a chocolate bar (unless you count protein bars - of which I only have 1 per day on my days off work), and I have not had any takeaways (unless you count a wrap from subway for lunch yesterday which had a wee bit of bacon and cheese in it). I have also completed the exercises everyday (aside from rest day), including exercising after a 12 hour work day! Which is good for me.

I met with my web designer yesterday, so that should be all go now. It is going to cost around $3000.00, but hopefully it will cover its own costs, eventually. I have written down a few goals for myself, such as once a month heading out for a day just taking photos. Attending an event at least once a month. And I am going to go to a local camera club meeting next Tuesday, to see what it is like, as more motivation to get really into my photography. I also 'plan' (this is not written down) to hopefully get a collection of images in the hopes of having them displayed in one of the local galleries or cafes.

Now I am getting the house in order, and I will hopefully have an awesome website which will make it easier to upload photos, hopefully I will really get back into photography full swing.

Patiently waiting for my bible to come from Amazon.com (well as patiently as I can ... lol). Here's hoping I can 'interpret it' - not that I am lacking in intelligence, I am just not sure if I have that kind if intelligence - I'm a scientist, I like things to be 'factual' and easy to understand, I have never been very good at 'interpreting' stuff. Some people can 'read things' in paintings, I can only see what I see, and know if I like it, or not ... lol

And that would be the interesting parts of my life, I had to go into work today for 1.5 hours of training, and I have to go in for the next 2 days for training, at which point I have taken the first day of my new roster off. I sometimes get amazed at the people at work who have no interest in attending training. Sure a lot of them have been there for 10 to 15 years, and I have only been there for 2, so they are probably over it, but I think learning new things and progressing 'up' is what makes it interesting. Crazy that after 2 years I am considered 'senior staff' and those same other people are not. I mean, today I had to go in on my day off, and I did - someone else was 'asked' to go in and they declined. And then they wonder why I get asked to go and do different stuff, and they don't. It has taken me a long time to learn it, but when you get asked to 'do something' by a boss you say YES! Especially when it concerns vocational development.

So life is progressing along quite nicely. The only other thing I really need to begin working on is helping out T more on the farm. I make it tough on myself by giving myself 'rubbish' excuses. And I know how tired T is, and at this time of year having a clean house, clean clothes, and tea on the table is not quite enough for him.

Dear Lord. Thank you for blessing me with the opportunity to further myself at my paid work, and in my pursuit of a photography career. Please give me the strength and wisdom to help T out more on the farm, and to help me focus on what is important rather than the frivolous. Please continue to watch over and forgive myself, T, my family, my friends and my animals. Amen

All Creatures Great and Small

I went into Paper Plus today, and thought that I might be able to buy a bible, all to no avail, could not see one anywhere. Might have missed it, and too ... embarrassed to ask (NZ is a very non-religious country), so I didn't end up getting one. I keep asking T where his is, but he has no clue. So I have ordered one from Amazon, of course I ended up ordering a few other books as well, ooops! Better write that down in my daily spending accounts before I forget. Oh dear, get yourself back on that financial track MJ, quick smart!

I finally got around to getting my 'bikini wax' done today. 10 weeks since the last one, so a bit ouchy - bikini wax is in ' ' for a reason as she's all bare down there, TMI perhaps, but it is what it is. I actually find it a lot cleaner being hair free, and I have been doing it for about 3 years, so has become the norm I guess.

Also did a HUGE supermarket shop today, just over $300 worth (and when its only the two of us, sheesh). Lots of fresh fruit and veges, and meat too. Our freezer is currently full of roasts and bacon, and thats about it, so got some chicken, chops and steak - num num num!

Body for life is going well. Not too sure if I am eating exactly right, but my portion size is definitely smaller, and now I have begun exercising, I can only be heading in the right direction. And healthy, non-processed food can only be good for me. Not that I ate a lot of processed foods before, just not as many fruits and veges, and, as I already said, PORTION SIZE!

I tried to 'dress-up' for T tonight. Hmmmm none of my skirts fit me, so it was just a smarter than usual top, and my best jeans, and HIGH HEELS - felt a right wally! Shoes hurt, couldn't see shoes under my jeans - doh. At least I tried, and he knew that I tried. Baby steps MJ, baby steps!

Dear Lord. Thank you for blessing me this day by providing my with the means to have fresh fruit, veges and meat. Thank you for giving me the strength to stick to my diet plan, and the bravery to dress up for T. Please continue to help and guide me on my journey of spiritual enlightenment and self fulfilment and my desire to please and serve T. Please watch over and bless my family, friends and animals. Amen

All things bright and beautiful

Had a great day today, perhaps a bit too much TV watching, but a good day all the same.

Got myself out of bed around 7.30ish, really can't remember. Put away bench dishes, and turned dishwasher on once I loaded up T's morning dishes. Had Bran and Yoghurt for breakie, chucked on a load of washing, and headed out to help T with the calves. I am slowly getting my confidence in feeding them back. Always takes me awhile to get myself sorted, heavens help me when I get the determination up to help T milk again. I know if I get stuck in and learn it I will be fine, but gee I'm so lazy these days that I just don't get out there. And I know that its the bloody TV holding me back, AGAIN. My TV free didn't last long, but heck, easy enough to resume again.

So I did a few loads of washing, potted up a few new and old pot plants, cooked a very nice Roast Dinner (of which I perhaps ate a bit too much of, but not in the same size league of old). Finances are sorted. Dishes are done for the night, and I have the bed to make. And then there is one more day off until work again on Thurs (ooooh and it's payday tomorrow!).

Dear Lord. Thank you for a big blue sky day, which bought many joys. Please continue to bless and watch over T, my family, friends, and animals. Please give me the energy and dedication to provide T will all of his needs. Amen

Day two of Body for Life

I officially started my body for life programme yesterday. I have been eating fairly sensibly for the last few weeks, well kinda - does a chocolate bar a day count? Just a small one? Regardless, I began the programme in earnest yesterday (with Saturdays being my free day). Yesterday went well. 20 minutes on the bike, easy peasy, perhaps a bit too easy so tomorrow I will step it up a notch, and I certainly was not hungry. Today I did upper body with weights. I think it went ok. I bought a small dumbell set, hopefully it will work ok for lower body when I get to it on Wednesday. I was a bit pushed for the final sets of a couple of workouts, and perhaps not quite pushed enough on others, but it was certainly better than nothing. I am a bit hungry today though. Plus, before I started, in earnest, I was not craving chocolate at all (ok, so I had been eating some, but even then I was not CRAVING it craving it), and now, its what I want. I can wait 4 more days until Saturday (actually its only 3, as its pizza day at work on Friday so I'm changing my free day to Friday).

I think I worked out why I have been so down lately. Its mostly because I so desperately want to have children, and I am TERRIFIED that I have left it too late. And when you feel surrounded by people who have kids, well, it just makes me feel even worse. I know I should focus on what I DO have, but. No, NO BUTS MICHA, FOCUS ON WHAT YOU DO HAVE!

Dear Lord, please help me stay focused on my journey to health and fitness, and also on building my wealth. Please help me to keep calm, and keep my mouth shut and my mood positive when helping T out on the farm, and when I am at work. Please encourage me to focus on positive thoughts at work, and to live in the moment not in the wishes of the past or the dreams of the future. Please continue to watch over all of my family, friends and animals, and give me the courage to go after what I want. Amen

From a couple of days ago

Arghhh, having such trouble with the internet today. I think its Safari, but having no real idea of these things, I could be wrong.

Woke up early yesterday morning, and instead of talking to myself, constantly in my head, I decided to listen to God. What a wise decision! First thing I heard was 'Don't act like a child'. You see, I am currently on a visit back home, and no matter how hard I try, as soon as I am in the presence of my parents and sister, I act like an awful teenager all over again. Ugh! Second thing I heard was 'Keep your opinions to yourself'. Yes, I have to admit it, I am one of those childless people who 'knows' how children should be raised. Its so great to be me, and well, to receive my advice, how lucky are YOU! The third, and final thing, which also covers the first two, was 'Make YOURSELF proud of YOU!' And that sums it up perfectly. Make myself proud of me. So many times I have visited and hated myself on the return journey, due to my immature behaviour. So silly, when one is almost 39 years old! I also determined that I would say 'YES' to any request from my nieces (who can ask) and nephew (who can't yet) to any invitations to play.

This trip, so far, I have made myself proud of me. My sis and her family are all down with a bit of a tummy bug. I cleaned up the house after everyone had left yesterday (and believe me, there was A LOT of stuff to clean). Today I have cleaned up as everyone has gone. The girls and I have played lots of games, watched a Tinker-Bell movie, helped them with Mummies computer, on which Mummy currently plays far too much Zombie computer game - its turned her into a Zombie. Luckily I am outspoken enough to tell her to turn the jolly thing off, sit on the floor, and play a game of Cats Eye with us. And, no, my sis is not usually like that. She is a great mother, who showers them all with attention (usually), perhaps too much attention at times.

Unfortunately, I also possibly overstep the bounds, and ‘discipline’ the girls. Only in the sense of ‘fair play’. G gets told off if she is not giving T a fair go. And T gets told off if she is pushing the boundaries and trying to get G into trouble. I may be old and childless girls, but I am not stupid and blind.

C is a bit of a whinger. I would possibly think he is teething (no expert, obviously, but his cheeks look a little rosy. But he is always whiney. And why? I think it is because my sis and her partner always pay him attention when he is. I tried to say, ignore him, but my sisters way of ignoring him is to tell him she is ignoring him. Yeah, sorry, doesn’t work for me. But as I said, I am rather opinionated and I should learn to keep it to myself.

Focusing on the positive

Work is such a negative environment. I really do not know how to fix it. I was really negative, and I fixed myself, although I do get drawn back into those negative conversations - such and such did this, did that, gets this, I don't get that, wah, wah, wah. I don't even notice that I am being drawn into such conversations. I have told a friend at work to let me know when I am, so I can stop myself. I am trying really hard. And I have a much better attitude than last season. But some people are not happy unless they are moaning about 'poor hard done by me', and I get to listen to it. I do try to say 'its not our problem, let management sort it out', but thats to no avail. The same mournful 'woe is me' topics over and over and over again. I just tell myself, its not my place to judge, and try to get on with life. I will resume my 3pm walks, instead of 3pm afternoon teas, from next week to get myself away from it. I think it is just best for me to nod, smile, and ask God for patience.

On an up side, the 6 of us who did stay until 6pm tonight scored free pizza (left over from a management meeting - more co-worker gripes)! Heck, I love pizza. It was goooooood. And since in a weeks time I will begin 'Body for Life' it might be the last pizza slices for a while!

I have been so good this week! I have begun giving the bathroom a quick swipe with a cloth after my shower the last three days, so it has stayed clean. I have been making sure that the kitchen is clean and tidy every night before bed. My finances are all sorted and up-to-date. And I have NOT watched TV for the last three nights. T doesn't get the whole 'not watch TV' thing, but since I am a major TV addict, it is something I really need to cut. Essentially I will have it on all day, every day during my 4 days off. I have started slowly by turning it off after work (so it is only for a couple of hours, before I go to bed), but a girl has to start somewhere. Some of this may sound bizarre to organised people, but I am not the tidiest so it is a big change for me.

New habits to start next week are - pay more attention to T. Even though I have switched the TV off, I am still sidetracked by the computer (just catching up on emails and blogs - no games or surfing) so T is not getting the best undivided attention that I could possibly produce. And my other new habit will be 'healthy eating' in preparation for 'Body for Life'. Fingers crossed that I can complete this one as I had a work photo today, and talk about hideous! I am so 'unphotogenic' at the best of times, and I am currently at my worst! Bah!

Dear Lord. Please give me the patience and strength to opt out of negative work conversations. Please help me focus on the benefits of my job, the strengths of my co-workers, and the opportunities that are provided to me each and every day. Please bless my family, friends, and animals. Please help lead us all to salvation and peace. Amen.

Promotion and payrise

I got a promotion and payrise at work today, so I am really really over-the-moon! Well obviously - dah! Who wouldn't be. I got called into the lab co-ordinators office and handed a letter, saying that I was going up from a level 4 technician to a level 5 technician, which is a pay increase of around $3500.00 a year, so that is awesome. I am so glad that I have been putting in the effort lately, putting my hand up to do things, and attend meetings that not many others are interested in. And with all of my prayers at recent, well, what can I say, but Thank You Lord! I really appreciate all of the opportunity you have been sending my way, and thank you so much for the reward and recognition.

I also decided last night, when hopping into bed, that today would be a TV free day. And I am pleased to say that this is what I have achieved (given that it is currently 7.58pm and I will be heading off to be around 8.30pm!). Instead I sat at the table, with my beloved, and ate dinner, and actually had a CONVERSATION where I PAYED ATTENTION to what he had to say. I then tidied up all of my finances (I am currently $255 better off this fortnight than last fortnight, and considering I had a couple of big payments then this is AWESOME as well). Long may it continue! And now I am on the computer, checking my emails, reading blogs, and, well, writing this one. The radio station I had on was not pleasant, so I wondered what I could do ... well bright spark, how about an online radio station, and so I am listening to online Christian rock.

I read quite a bit of Champions Body for Life today. And I am going to do the programme. I am not sure if this current book has the complete programme in it, so I may have to search out a secondhand book to purchase. I plan to get started in a couple of weeks, giving myself time to plan daily menus and exercise for the first month. It does look really good, so Lord, please give me the motivation to complete the plan, correctly and well.

Well I have washing to fold (hand dishes have been done, benches are wiped, yoghurt is 'cooking' and dishwasher is on), before heading to bed to read another chapter of The Reason for God, and maybe a chapter of 9 Critical Mistakes Most Couples Make.

Dear Lord. Thank you so very much for blessing me with a promotion and payrise today. Thank you for showing me the way with my health and fitness, by putting Champions Body for Life in my path. Please give me the strength to continue along this path of enlightenment and fulfilment. Please bless my family, friends and animals in their lives. Amen

Shopping

I headed into Hawera today to buy my nephew presents for his 1st birthday. I asked my sister what he might like, and being the ever helpful person said, aww nothing (I know that between his two older sisters, and himself, they have more toys than a toy library). So I asked if she needed any clothes for him, and she said 'Yes please. He doesn't have many new clothes.' So I got him two shirts and a pair of track-pants. And being the greatest aunt ever, I also got him a little pull-a-long dog that barks and wimpers etc. I also got the 2 girls a book each. This is because at G's birthday everyone gets a Christmas ornament, so its not fair if I don't get small gifts for everyone at everyones birthday. Yes I have dug myself into a hole on this one.

I also bought two pairs of jeans for work, total cost $50.00. This was $10 over my budget, but since I had thought I would only manage to get one pair I am not reprimanding myself over this one.

Chocolate cake

Finally got around to making T (well okay T and me) a chocolate cake today. I had a pottle of cream in the fridge, so before it went to waste I thought that I had better get something whipped up. I forgot that our oven cooks a little hot, so the top burned a bit (well quite a lot). But I just cut the top off, whacked the cream in the middle, covered it in icing, and Waalaaa, one messy, and hopefully tasty cake.

My reading selection

I finally joined the library today. I have decided that while I love to buy my own books, in reality I very rarely re-read them, so that is a giant waste of money (oh I am being SO good with my spending these days). I got two 'religious books' - The Reason for God, and Finding Faith, which will hopefully begin to clarify the 'religion thing' for me. I also got 9 Critical Mistakes Most Couples Make, which also has a religious bent. I am slowly learning that consciously preventing discord in my relationship is better than trying to fix it when its discord has/is happened/ing. I also got 'A Man is Not a Financial Plan' to help assist me in my finances, and 'Champions - Body for Life' to help me work on my body and mind regarding my physical image.

So I am pretty happy all round. I can not remember if I wrote it yesterday or not, but I am having slight issues with being in a relationship out of wed-lock, now I am exploring Christianity. Even though we are talking about engagement (so obviously marriage) I do feel that I am not living a correct life anymore. I do trust that God accepts the 'pickle' that I have got myself into, and forgives me for it - but how long can I expect it to go on? I also worry that other people are judging me as 'hypocritical' for believing one thing, and living another - but once again, there is only one 'person' who is fit to judge me, and that is the Lord, so I truly hope he does forgive me.

Dear Lord. Thank you for blessing me today with enough money to buy C birthday presents, me some jeans for work, and just enough to cover 6 months of car registration. Thank you for directing me to certain books to encourage the expansion of my mind and spirit. Please help me with my patience, especially with T. Give me the strength to use my 2 ears to listen, my brain to think and stay calm, and my mouth to speak only when I have something pleasant and true to say. Please continue to bless my family, friends and animals. Amen

Hope that I helped

So C went home today. I really hope that I was able to provide her with some direction on what she should do in regards to her marriage situation. Basically my advice was to get her own personal, secret bank account. While I do not condone women having secrets from their husbands as a general rule, when said husband is addicted to gambling, and possibly alcohol, then I think that a separate, secret bank account is really a necessity. I also suggested that she either get in contact with K (a lawyer who we went to school with and specialised in family law for a while) or go to Citizens Advice Bureau and speak to a lawyer there. At least she will know where she stands, and what she can do should she decide to leave him. Obviously I told her that if she needs to, then she is always welcome to stay with us, with the children, until she can get sorted out. Obviously she has the worries with the 9 horses she owns, and her children, but I am sure that she can get around that. I am also praying for her. I am also praying for her husband N, to wake up and get help. I am contemplating sending her the DVD Fireproof, plus the book, the Love Dare (I think it is called). I can only do this if I believe I can financially afford it, as I am not finished with my copies (and probably never will be, as I do need regular reminders of how I should be behaving).

On a happier note, I am so happy with my spending as of late. Really happy with it, a long long road to go, but its coming up one month of good spending so I am rapt. I have been so good that I have to buy C a present for his first birthday, and I have the cash to do it. I also have enough cash to buy an inexpensive pair of jeans (or 2) for work, as my current ones are on their last legs (excuse the pun). And I should still have some left over to put into my savings account (what I have not spent I put into my savings account, instead of going 'Yeee Haaaaa! Money left over! Lets SPEND IT!'

On that similar vein, having been raised 'Strictly Atheist' and finding myself drawn to God and 'whatever that means', I have been thinking that I need to buy a bible, but this conflicts with my 'stop spending' mentality at present. Then I went 'DOH!' When we were back home last weekend to sort out my rental property, I found a bible in one of the drawers. I didn't grab it at the time as I was in the company of my Atheist parents, and T (who is Catholic, but not practicing), and I did not want to be embarrassed and made to explain myself. Luckily I am heading back there in 5 days time for C's 1st birthday, so I will make sure I pick it up on this trip. To be perfectly honest, this whole religion is SO very confusing. Christian, Catholic, Anglican, Protestant, and who knows what else is out there?! Do I pray to God, the Lord, Jesus? I'm trying Lord for starters. I have tried asking T, as he did go to church as a child, but he is no real help. I think I will start by reading the bible, and see what I think, and go from there. It is a big 'scarey' world for some of us :-)

Dear Lord. Thank you for blessing me today with C's visit, a gorgeous day, a visit from 'Socks' the neighbours cat, and some time to myself. Please help C in her marriage dilemma, please provide her with a safe path to progress along. Please help N amend his behaviour towards C, to recognise that his behaviours are not only hurting him, but also his family, and to give him the will and the strength to change. Please also bless C with the patience and understanding to assist N in anyway possible. Please also continue to take care of, and watch over my family, friends and animals. Amen

Catching up with C

I finally caught up with C today, after about 7 years! It sure has been great to catch up, but I do feel a little flat. Perhaps it has been too long between visits. Perhaps she now has two wonderful sounding children and I have none so I can not connect on that level. Perhaps I am just overthinking things as per usual. Unfortunately she is having a bit of trouble at home with N. I hope that she does manage to work it out. Tomorrow, before she leaves, I will make sure I let her know that if she ever needs to really get away with the children, then she is always welcome to be with me, where ever that may be. I hope that she has thought a bit about what I have said, in regards to getting her own secret bank account set up, and talking to a lawyer regarding her rights etc. I know it will be hard for her to leave. She has 9 horses, 2 children, and aside from the horses, no 'real' qualifications. I must make a concerted effort to go and visit her at least every 6 months, and to phone her every couple of months. I believe that The Lord may have crossed our paths at this time in order for me to help her, but not pity or shame her. Maybe he has crossed out paths for her to help me. Or perhaps it will help us both.

It was a great day. I had a small bet on C's horse ($5 each way). He came 2nd, so I came out even (covered my bet and the entry to the races, didn't cover the $2 programme, so technically I am $2 down).

And now C and T have gone to bed. C is pretty beat, she had a big day today. T, well he looks pretty beat as well. So I am up kind of watching CSI, but mostly doing a bit of online stuff.

Dear Lord. Thank you for bringing C back into my life today. Please provide me with the wisdom and openess to help her in her life. Please also assist me in continuing contact with her as she is truely one of my best friends in life. Thank you for bringing T into my life, a stable and reliable and trustworthy man. Please continue to work on his beliefs and kind heartedness. Please also bless my family, friends and animals, as I know you already do. Amen

Blog 100

Its my 100th blog today. That covers quite a few years, including years I did not blog at all.

Nothing deep and meaningful today, not that I ever am, but even less so than usual.

Got three photo orders out today. I was only paid for two orders. The order that I gave out for free was for the Taranaki Rally. It was the first approach I have had for rally photos so I decided to give them to them in the hopes I will get future orders from the rally community. They had only asked for the one that they saw on youtube, but I sent them all 12 anyway. It doesn't cost me anything to email them, and it is promotional for me. Fortunately the horse photos printed out clearly this time as well, so I finally managed to get that order posted out. I really need to get a new website, so I might get in contact with S's friend, and get him to design me one.

I made chocolate fudge cake stuff today. The stuff that I can not stop eating. I have eaten way too much, but it is just so damn delicious. I also made Lasagne for dinner tomorrow, I sure hope C eats it. If not, I am sure we can find something else. Because I was making Lasagne for tomorrow, I made mince patties for tonights dinner, with rice and green beans. It was quite nice really. Nothing fancy, not overly delicious, just plain nice.

I asked T when he was going to propose today. He didn't commit to anything, he wants a wedding, I would prefer an elopement, but maybe if I can find a nice, small church we could have a small ceremony. I shall do a bit of a search now to see if I can find a church that I like.

Dear Lord. Thank you for blessing me today with intimate relations with T. Please forgive me for being unmarried at this point in time, I know you understand my reasonings, no matter how wrong it may be, and I know that you forgive me and I ask for you to please continue to do so until we are wed. Please continue to watch over me, T, my family, friends and animals. Thank you for the direction of my life so far, and I trust in your future journey for me. Amen

Day four!

So today is day four. When you work rostered shifts of 4 12 hour days on, 4 days off, one comes to love day four. I now get to enjoy my four days off.

So far my plans for my days off include feeding the calves (only 4 so far, but there will be plenty more to come), hopefully heading up to see W at some point to find out how he is doing since he broke his neck. Must make sure we take him some DVD's and books. Saturday I have plans to go to the races in New Plymouth to catch up with C, who I have not seen since she got remarried, like 8 years ago. And other than that, just some house tidying, and maybe some gardening. Oh and dog walking. Maybe I will take her to the beach. Will just have to see how the days pan out.

Dear Lord. Thank you for another wonderful day. Thank you for blessing me with work, so the day went by quickly. Thank you for blessing me with T. who had dinner ready for me when I got home. Please help me stay strong and keep to a sensible spending and saving path. And please give me the strength to get physically and mentally healthy and progress on a path to physical and spiritual wellness. Amen

One day to go

Well I only have one day of work to go before I get to my four days off - yay! One good thing about being back on roster is the four days off. The 12 hour days on the other hand are another thing entirely. Hopefully there is only one season to go before T and I move to a larger farm where I can assist him with the milking, calf rearing etc. I will not only pray for this, but also for us to get pregnant, or begin adoption proceedings for overseas children - before I get too old (which is only 1 year away re: child adoption ages!).

Today I had my first aid course. I am glad that I have the opportunity to do these every couple of years as it keeps my skills and knowledge up, plus relevant as things change all the time.

My sore throat is still a bit tender, but hopefully it will let me have a better sleep tonight. I woke up a lot last night with it hurting to swallow. It was pretty good for most of the day, with the course taking my mind off of it I guess.

Dear Lord. Thank you for blessing me today with a great basic first aid course, and for bringing T home to me safely last night. Please continue to watch over me, my family, my friends, and my animals. Thank you for providing me with outstanding food, shelter and all the necessities of life. Amen

Sore throat

I had the beginnings of a sore throat last night. It never really manifest into anything today, just the odd uncomfortable feeling throughout the day. It's really not feeling all that good at the moment. I have taken a strepsils, so heres hoping that that calms it down, and kills off any bugs.

I had a fantastic day at work yesterday. I had to be brave and go to the factory in Eltham, meet up with two guys I have never met, and spend 5 hours in the company of several other people that I have never met. It was so interesting! It was to do with a customer problem we are having with SOS cheese. So I did not only learn about how sliced cheese was made, but the process management need to go through to fix problems. It was an awesome day, and I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to experience it. Thank you so much Lord, for giving me the opportunity, plus the drive to accept the opportunity!

T went to Tauranga today, more car parts for the mini sprint. It will be his last opportunity for a while since calving has begun, plus the importer guy is off overseas, so they would not have had the chance to see him for a while either. I hope that he gets to racing this season, as I think last season was hard for him without having any car to race.

Mum txt me today to say that Zara had another good day. Mum took her for a walk along the stop bank, and river. And she was so tired she even relaxed enough to have a wee sleep, so that is awesome.

Dear God. Thank you so much for such an awesome day today. Thank you for giving me the strength to not spend any money, again! And thank you for my upbeat attitude and internal monologue. Please continue to watch over my friends, animals and family, and continue to protect and guide them as you do best. Amen

UGLY

Just had an aha moment. Listening into a radio type forum, which I can't even remember the name of, which was about women/girls and their self esteem and weight and self perceptions. I have always wondered how it was that I became fat, the fat that I currently am. And why can I not fix it? I was always skinny growing up. Then at around 20 I decided to prattle on about being fat, when I wasn't, not even close to being fat. Then at 25 other people seemed to be indicating that I was overweight - which I wasn't. I was around 63kg for goodness sakes! Maybe I was just reading things into comments that I shouldn't have done. A couple of times I was down to 50kg, and then did all the boys like that? Why yes they did. Why for heaven's sakes? Why am I so worried that boys like me? It is because I was/am so ugly that I really didn't think that I would ever get a man to marry me. I still get pained about the time a complete stranger, driving past in a car, yelled out 'great legs, shame about the face', which understandably crushed and humiliated me and provided me with all the proof that I needed to indeed show that yes, I am ugly. And you can't complain about being ugly, because if it is the truth, then nothing can be done about it. Being fat is something I can fix, but if I fix that, I am still ugly!

Until I make peace with myself and my looks, I will never be a happy person.

Dear Lord, I apologise to you for all the pain I have caused you for not loving myself in the image that you have provided me. I know that you would never create something of ugly, and understand that I am something of beauty. Amen.

Back home today

We returned from Waipuk. today, minus Zara. With a bit of heartbreak I decided to leave her with Mum and Dad. I am sure that in the long run she will be better off. I just hope that she does not feel like she has been abandoned twice in the last month. On an upside, wee Socks is currently in for a visit.

Once again I acted like a child, especially with my parents. Just a totally bad habit that I really need to break. I was good with the pruning of the hydrangas, but spoiled brat didn't do much else for the rest of the time. I am not sure how I can go about growing up. My 'natural' reaction is to be defensive, and loud, and obnoxious. I am not even sure if obnoxious is the right term. Rude would definitely be a good term to use. I guess its generally due to my lack of self esteem, which I really need to work on.

May be a good line for a prayer, Dear Lord, please assist me in my quest for higher self esteem. Please help me find the ways to improve my self worth, and to help me work on this every day. Please give me the tools to be more thankful and loving to all of those in my life, past, present and future. Thank you for all you have provided me so far in my journey to self fulfillment. Amen

Awesome day

I had such a fantastic day today. It was the first time I have ever been a part of the interview process, from the other side of the table. I am so pleased that I got given the opportunity to assist in interviews, and I am very glad that I took up the opportunity. We interviewed 4 people, who were all pretty good. Hard to decide as to whether they would fit in or not, but luckily we have temp. jobs going as well, so that is a great starting point for them. I also got a free lunch for doing it, and extra hours worked off, so all in all it was pretty great. When I think that I have only worked at Fonterra for two years and they have invited me to be a part of interviews, (irrespectful of how many staff are currently around) I think that that is pretty awesome.

Today I also got an email from the environmental lady who said that I am able to be a part of the eco-efficiency team, if it is ok with my bosses, so thats pretty cool. I am so glad that I am making an effort to become more involved, as it is definitely making work more interesting, which it certainly needed to be, but was obviously down to my effort and not the effort of the company. Plus I am getting involved with the teamwork toolkit, so busy, busy, busy at work.

And I have now just got a visit from Socks, the neighbours cat. I was afraid she had been picked up in the SPCA raids of the other 'cat hording' neighbour who has been hospitalised, so it is good to see she is still around.

Not to mention I now have 3 sleep-ins as I took tomorrow off of work to head back home to check out my rental property before the new tenants move in. Will also get a chance to see the horses, and see how Zara goes with Mum and Dad. Mind you, she is so cute and full of life now I really don't think that I want to part with her. Will see how I feel on Sunday.

Now that God has got my life going in a fantastic direction, hopefully I can begin to work on my sweet-tooth, weight problem. There is no stopping me now baby!

Unproductive day

I have been so unproductive today. Got up at 6.40am as I had to go into work for 1.5 hours to cover what I need to know regarding interviews tomorrow. It meant that I had to cancel leave for today (well 1.5 hours of it) and I then booked more for Friday, since we need to go to Waipuk to check out the house, and see if we need commercial cleaners and wotnot. Silly me thought that we could head over after work on Thursday, but I forgot I don't finish until 4.30pm because of interviews, rather than 2.30pm, so we will need to head off fairly early on Friday morning (ie 8amish).

Other than that I have only organised my money and paid some bills, leaving me with not very much for the remainder of the fortnight. All will be well again in a months time, as I have my ute registration to pay with my next paycheck. And I am very glad I am actually be conscious of how much money I have, and what I am spending, and on what I am spending. I sure hope that I keep it up!

I also made some coconut ice, of which I have over indulged in and now feel slightly sick. It looks good though.

And I have walked the dogs, twice. Plus rescued a chicken from Zara, who obviously now has the confidence up to chase them - little bugger! I hope she doesn't chase the cats at mum and dads.

Finally I still have some washing to fold up, plus tea to cook. I have watched way too much tv, and basically been not the best kind of person today. At least the house is basically tidy, and I have been maintaining it. I do need to take the next step and really work harder on dusting and cleaning, and getting certain areas in order, such as our bedroom and my desk area. But I am getting there.

RIP Doccy Dog

Mum and Dad had my staffy Doc's put down today. I still remember rescuing her from a skinhead brother of one of my flatmates at the time. Poor little girl was 3 months old and still the size of a 6 week old. For nearly 14 years she has had the true life of Riley. Beginning with a life on a 350 acre farm, then to the beach, and lately walks down by the Tukituki river everyday. I am so glad that T and I went there recently for a week to look after the dogs and cats, so we got to spend some quality time with Doccy Dog, and I am thankful to God for this. I am also very glad that Mum and Dad made the decision to have her put down before she began to suffer any pain or discomfort.

I am supposed to have the day off tomorrow, but I will go in from 8-10am to get the information required for my interviews on Thursday. I only have to participate in 4, so thats pretty cool. I am nervously looking forward to it.

T and I will be heading back to Waipuk. on Friday afternoon, as my tenants are moving out, and the new ones will be moving in the following Friday, so I would like to take a good look at the place before there are new people living in there.

I am currently waiting for a phone call from T. who invited me to the horse event a couple of weekends ago. I am so nervous, because I have a 'fear' of phone calls. Who would know why, but I just have never liked the phone. I much prefer txt and email contact. I am not sure why this is, but until the phone call is over I will be nervous. Its not like I am not articulate, or what ever. Just a form of shyness I guess.

So my head is pretty full at the moment. Dogs, and photography, and work, and T. too.

Momentous Monday

My momentous moment from the week is this shot of our original pound rescue dog of 2 years, hanging out with our newly rescued cocker spaniel of 2 weeks. It is so nice to see how well she has settled in.

Home sick with the bot

Having a sick day today. I really don't like sick days as I find it hard to work out if I am sick enough to stay home, or whether I should go to work and soldier on. Case in point today, I was up from 4am-4.30am with bathroom visits. From 4.30-4.50am I just lay awake attempting to work out if I was sick or not. Got up at 4.50am as I was feeling fine. Had my shower, and was all dressed and feeling fine, then when I was making my lunch I had another stomach cramp and went back to the bathroom. At which point I decided that I wasn't feeling all that well, and decided to take a sick day. Truth be told, by 10am I was feeling much better, but it was better that I did stay home. To justify it further there are a few people who have received letters for having used all of their sick days, and others who use them for days off after a hard nights drinking. So I really don't feel too much guilt. I do just hate having to do it, thats all.

I got to watch Saving Private Ryan today. I think I may have seen all of it before, can not really remember. It is horribly graphic, and very long, and not at all very nice. Hopefully I remember this before I decide to watch it again. I do quite like war movies, but prefer much happier endings. And it was not of a real educational bent, like the one with Bruce Willis the other day.

I have walked the dogs this afternoon, plus given them both a quick brush. Zara got another zap off of the fence today, when down with T. Luckily she just ran straight back home. Its been a beautiful sunny day, that started off with a huge frost. Hopefully Zara decides to lay out in the sunshine a bit, instead of sitting inside the porch. I have taken her jacket off in the hopes of encouraging her to do a bit of sunbathing.

I am really beginning to feel good about my life.

Sad Movie

Watch a Bruce Willis war movie today, set in Nigeria. It is horrible to think how these countries are treating their own people. Makes me want to sponsor a child more than ever. It is just ascertaining that 1. The funds will get through to the child. and 2. It is something that I will want to keep going with, as it is not something one should start without committing fully to until the child is grown and self sufficient.

Mentioned adoption to T this morning, and he said that he would be happy to go to CYFS with me to find out more about it. I think I will find as much information as I can about it first, before talking with T, and booking an appointment with them. I really do need to have more grown up conversations with T instead of focusing so much on the TV, and failing to have any real connecting conversations at all.

So much to work on!

Gotta curb my spending

Well I have been working hard at curbing my spending, up until a few days ago, where I overspent on chocolate, magazines, and other junk foods. I have now begun a record of spending, which covers not just what I have spent that day, but includes a listing of where I have mis-spent, and on what. One hopes that this may make me think a lot more about where each and every dollar and cent is going. I think the old adage is if you take care of the cents, the dollars take care of themselves. I am also going to begin a fortnightly total of my bank accounts. A record of what is in each bank account the day before payday. Hopefully, as I see the amounts in these accounts increase, then I will continue to feel inspired and continue to work hard at my finances.

One thing that will help (providing I DO NOT spend the funds elsewhere) is to purchase cheaper brands, rather than the top of the line. I will make a note where the cheaper brands do not serve me as well, so we can still have nice food, but where it makes no difference (ie handee towels, toilet paper, cling film) then I should purchase the cheaper brand. I was also thinking that if I get 'shop n go' I will be able to keep a track as I am spending, and curb my habits while in the store.

The blogs I am following are also great, as they are inspiring me, and motivating me to be a better person/human throughout. I am proud of the steps I am taking and the progress I am making, but there is still a long road ahead.

I love wireless

Last Saturday before going out to Kaponga School Quiz night - even when I think I look good I don't

We finally got wireless, so now I can sit anywhere I like and play on the computer. I even had a couple of games of chess today (which I lost terribly - but it has been a very long time since I last played a game).

I have had a terrible week with food. Made afghan and anzac biscuits, and ate them. Made more anzac biscuits today, and have eaten two. Ate a large packet of MnM's in the last 2 days, plus a milo bar. I need to work much harder on my diet. Especially since it is whenever I see myself that I get depressed. Arghhhhh at me!

Nothing of interest to write today really. Over the last week I was quite busy. Photographed all of last weekend at the Show Hunter Clinic in Hawera. Have managed to get all of the photos up on flickr. Not sure if I will sell any. Have arranged at work to be the Laboratory contact for the Risk Organism Response Plan. The head of it said that they had it all sorted, so I will just be involved in reviews, but at least it is a start. Here's hoping they have fairly regular meetings. I am also going to be involved in the interviews next Thursday, so that should be interesting.

Zara has been to the vet and had a tooth out, plus they fully clipped her. I went into town today and bought her a fleece jacket to keep her warm until her hair grows out. It will be p to me to groom her every second day to ensure she does not matt up again. I had to tell the vet that she was a rescue and that was how we got her as she seemed to think that I had let her get into that state.

T still has not done his thing and taken a sample to medlab. I just don't know what to do. I would love to adopt but don't know how to approach T about it. We just don't seem all that close at the moment, so perhaps I should work on that first, before anything else! The kitchen is still clean, and I have been making the majority of dinners, so my housewife project is still going quite well. I must take my vitamin B every morning though, as I have been quite tired, and grumpy, and that is not good enough.

Have been doing my best to pray, and be careful with my money. I did have one slip up with my money where I bought way too much junk/lollies on Thursday, but I am definitely getting better.

There is no such thing as a free dog

This is what I look like at work. I don't have to be dressy, as I work in a chemistry lab, but I definitely think I could improve upon it somewhat!

Had another great day at work today. I did get a bit tired, it being Friday I guess, but I made it through with a great attitude. I would love to have a couple of days off but I have organised photographing the next two days in Hawera. Hopefully the weather will be fine, and my photos will turn out well. I get a bit more nervous when someone has actually asked me to be there.

Took Zara to the vets this afternoon. I had no idea how disgusting her teeth and gums were! Yuck. Black teeth, and a giant ulcer. Just plain awful. She is booked in again for Thursday, where she will be knocked out and have her teeth cleaned (hopefully not removed) and they will also clip all of the horrible matted knots off as well. Very lucky I have sold my desk and ab circle pro, as that money should cover the bill. And here was me thinking God had organised these sales so I could begin sponsoring a child. Obviously it was for the dog, and I shall have to save up for the child.

Worked well on becoming a 'perfect' wife again today. Left the kitchen and lounge spotless, and the bathroom very clean as well. Lucky because I forgot T's family were coming over to go to the Mangamingi dog sale. YAY! Plus I cooked tea, rather than have takeaways, to save funds to sponsor a child. I am beginning to feel very grown-up these days. Thank you God